Why do you feel lonely? Why does a person feel lonely? Chat with strangers

If not perceived and accepted by other people, a person may experience a feeling of loneliness, uselessness and melancholy, even if he is in society.

When a person is among other people, even close ones, but is not understood and accepted, he will also have a feeling of uselessness - a feeling of loneliness in the crowd.

Feelings of loneliness and uselessness

A person expects understanding and recognition of his personality, and feels the need for love. If this does not happen, he realizes his alienation from the environment and experiences it as feeling of loneliness and useless to anyone.

If there are objective, real connections with others, a person may experience a feeling of loneliness (for example, in a family) if he sees that he is not loved or understood.

Loneliness is an occasionally occurring acute feeling of anxiety and tension in a person associated with an unsatisfied desire to have friendly or intimate relationships.

The following types of human feelings of loneliness have been identified:

1. Hopelessly lonely people, dissatisfied with their relationships, with feelings of emptiness, abandonment, and deprivation.

2. Periodically and temporarily lonely people are the most socially active.

3. Passively and persistently lonely people who have come to terms with loneliness and are exhausted by it.

4. People who are not lonely (who do not experience this feeling) experience isolated cases of social isolation as a voluntary and non-oppressive solitude.

Carl Rogers identifies two types of human loneliness.

First associated with his alienation from himself, from his experience, from the functioning of his body. This is a consequence of a failure in the perception or assimilation of stimuli that contribute to the development of the body and its self-preservation.

Second type is associated with assessing the quality of relationships with other people or a person’s acceptance (non-acceptance) of himself at the physiological and psychological levels.

These ideas of Rogers once again show how ambiguously the phenomenon of feelings of loneliness is understood, which is a consequence of the ambiguous understanding of communication.

A person's feeling of loneliness stands out as

Situational and transient feelings of loneliness. Chronic loneliness occurs when a person is unable to establish satisfactory relationships with significant people over a long period of life.

A situational feeling of loneliness can be a consequence of some unpleasant events: the death of a loved one, the breakdown of a marital relationship. After some time, a person comes to terms with his loss and partially or completely overcomes loneliness.

Transient loneliness is expressed in short-term attacks of feelings of loneliness that pass without a trace.
Loneliness is necessarily associated with experiences that arise as a result of dissatisfaction with connections with the outside world due to superficiality or even a breakdown in these connections.

The feeling of loneliness is a painful emotional experience of subjective isolation that takes over the thoughts and actions of an individual. It can be experienced as anxiety, depression, sadness, boredom, longing, nostalgia for lost connections, despair.

We can talk about loneliness only when the person himself realizes the inferiority of his relationships with people in some important aspect. The experience of loneliness is influenced not so much by actual relationships with other people, but by the idea of ​​what these relationships should be like. Therefore, a person who has a strong need for communication experiences loneliness even if he is in contact with only one or two individuals, and someone who does not experience such a need may not feel a feeling of loneliness even with a long absence of communication with people.

So, the feeling of loneliness is understood as a painful emotional state caused by a real or imagined dissatisfaction of the need for interpersonal relationships (affiliation).

The origin of the feeling of loneliness

We are born alone, we live alone and we die alone, some scientists believe; others believe that the state of loneliness first appears in an aggravated form in adolescence and young adulthood. Loneliness has been found to be more common in adolescence than in adulthood, and is felt more strongly among young people. (Teenager Personality)
Premature separation from maternal affection, as well as existing shyness, are cited as a factor predisposing a person to a feeling of loneliness; it is also noted that the lack of close intimate attachment and significant friendships in a person contributes to the emergence of loneliness.

The number of friends and the frequency of contacts with them are less significant factors than subjective satisfaction with the relationship. The feeling of loneliness does not decrease with intense communication; it can weaken or disappear only with trusting relationships and a feeling of emotional and human closeness of the partner.

12 causes of chronic loneliness have been identified:
1. Inability to tolerate forced solitude.
2. Low self-esteem (like: “They don’t like me”, “I’m a bore”).
3. Social anxiety (fear of ridicule, judgment, sensitivity
to someone else's opinion).
4. Communication clumsiness, ineptitude.
5. Distrust of people (isolation, disappointment).
6. Internal stiffness (inability to open up).
7. Behavioral component (constant choice of unsuccessful partners).
8. Fear of a rival, fear of being rejected.
9. Sexual anxiety (inability to relax, feelings of shame, anxiety).
10. Fear of emotional intimacy.
11. Lack of initiative, lack of confidence in one’s desires.
12. Unrealistic claims (all or nothing, choice according to the model).

Feelings of loneliness and gender differences

The feeling of loneliness in women is associated with longing for a specific person, the absence of a loved one (female obsession), while in men it is with the awareness of their uselessness, with failure in self-realization, with dissatisfaction with their lives. Women are more varied in finding activities and ways to overcome loneliness than men, and prefer active actions, while men are passive.

Lonely people perceive themselves to be less competent than non-lonely people and attribute their failure to establish interpersonal relationships to a lack of ability. In many cases, establishing intimate relationships causes increased anxiety in them. They are less creative in finding ways to resolve problems that arise during interpersonal communication.

Lonely people tend to dislike others, especially those who are sociable and happy, thereby becoming defensive and making it difficult for themselves to establish good relationships with people. Lonely people are focused on themselves, on their problems and experiences. They are characterized by increased anxiety and fear of catastrophic consequences of an unfavorable combination of circumstances in the future. When communicating with other people, lonely people talk more about themselves. They are easily irritated in the presence of other people and are prone to not always justified criticism of the people around them.

Lonely people are highly self-critical, have low self-esteem, feel worthless, incompetent, and unloved. They are overly sensitive to criticism and view it as confirmation of their inferiority. They have little trust in other people, which means that they have difficulty accepting compliments addressed to them and are extremely cautious. Lonely people hide their opinions and are often hypocritical. At the same time, they are highly suggestible or overly stubborn in interpersonal contacts.

The way a person responds to loneliness depends on how the person explains his loneliness. With an internal locus of control, when a person believes that everything that happens to him depends only on him, a lonely person is more likely to experience depression, and with an external locus of control, when everything is blamed on external factors, aggression. Therefore, a lonely person tends to be either submissive or hostile.
(aggressiveness)

To summarize what we have read, we can identify 12 reasons for the feeling of loneliness (see above), and by engaging in introspection and correction of your personality, even without a specialist, although it is more reliable with one, you can achieve tangible results in overcoming this depressing feeling.

Loneliness is the main problem of modern society. Social networks create the illusion of involvement in communication, but as soon as a person turns off his phone, he feels intense loneliness. Many people feel that the relationships they are in have no meaning. Moreover, these people are sure that they have no one to rely on in life. This feeling, of course, does not add optimism, so you need to fight it. How?

Chat with strangers

Feel free to exchange phrases with the cashier at the store near your home, discuss the weather with a neighbor in the elevator, or talk to someone while waiting for the bus at the bus stop. These short communications do not require emotional investment from you, but create the feeling that you are part of society. And, of course, this is how you train your communication skills. So it's a win-win!

Enjoy being with yourself

Many people crave communication for one simple reason: they are afraid to be alone with themselves. In a noisy company they feel happy, but as soon as the door closes behind the guests, they are devastated. If you notice this trait, urgently start working on communication with yourself.

Find an activity that suits you and that you can do alone—whether it's crocheting or running—and do it regularly.

Soon you will realize how good you feel with yourself.

Don't look for friends, make them

You can spend years searching for the perfect friend who will suit you on all fronts. Or you can just take a closer look at those around you, choose a person and try to communicate with him as often as possible. Because at the beginning of any friendship, two factors are important: mutual sympathy and frequent meetings. Friendship, like other relationships, requires investment. Once you realize that you are ready to invest, you will find that there are more kindred spirits around.

But you shouldn’t impose yourself and communicate with unpleasant people, just to avoid being alone - you deserve better.

Work on external and internal communication

To ensure successful external communication, find friends with similar interests. For example, if you play sports, sign up for the appropriate sports club. Among like-minded people who share your hobbies and have similar plans for the future, it will be easier for you to build communication.

And by working on internal communication, we mean exploring your feelings of loneliness. Analyze when and at what moment it first appeared, what emotions it gives you, when it disappears... Be sure to write down these thoughts, then it will be easier for you to understand the source of emptiness in your heart.

Apply fluffy therapy

Animals give us many positive emotions - it’s not for nothing that they are called four-legged friends. They help effectively combat loneliness because they increase the level of the hormone oxytocin in the body. So spend more time on your pet, and if you don’t have one, visit shelters. Better yet, sign up to volunteer. Proven: it works!

Connect with your family

Communication with relatives is not always the most positive, but they are still your closest people. The problem of fathers and children has always existed (hello, Ivan Sergeevich), but how the situation will turn out in your case depends on you. Of course, you can leave everything to chance, saying that the ancestors do not understand anything. But it’s better to understand the underlying motives, what exactly you want from them, and what they want from you.

Not long ago, a lecture by the famous Austrian psychotherapist Alfried Längle took place in Moscow. "RG" publishes its abbreviated version.

The topic of loneliness is one that is probably familiar to each of us. Loneliness is the feeling that accompanies us in our development. This is part of the journey of finding yourself. And it leads us to value relationships more.

Experience of loneliness

Loneliness is experienced very painfully. This is a feeling that we want to escape from, and we do this by being distracted by something. We are helped by watching TV shows and movies, computer, mobile phone, travel, alcohol, work. All this helps to get rid of the unpleasant feeling. Because in solitude we experience that we are again thrown back to ourselves. In solitude I have only myself. I'm abandoned. There's no one around. I don't have a relationship, I don't have anyone I can talk to. Loneliness is the experience of experiencing the absence of relationships. This feeling can be especially acute in longing for something. If you love someone, you feel sad at being separated from them. I miss my loved one, I feel connected to him, but I cannot see him. My heart is with him, and without him or her, my heart is lost to a certain extent.

A similar feeling can be experienced during nostalgia, when we yearn for our native places. I experienced a very strong homesickness when, as a child of 11-12 years old, I was in a boarding school. It was warm and pleasant at home, I had relationships there, I had friends there, and I was at a boarding school far from home. I was away from home for a whole month. I felt like I was in a foreign world. The world was cold and I felt lost. All this time I was thinking what was happening at home, what my relatives were doing: now they got up, now they are having dinner, now the family has gathered at the table. And I was constantly in pain because I was separated from the part of life where I usually experienced warmth, where I had a feeling that I was part of this world. I felt incredibly alone.

We can feel lonely at work if we are confronted with some demands, if there are some projects that we have not yet matured into. Where we feel insecure about them, and if no one supports us. Then we feel alone. If I know that everything depends on me alone, fear may arise that will accompany loneliness. This is the fear that I will turn out to be a weakling, that I will feel guilty because I cannot cope.

It's even worse if bullying occurs at work. Then I will feel that I am at the mercy of this, that I am on the edge of society and that I am no longer part of it.

Loneliness is a very big topic in old age, in old age. And in childhood. Children who are not met, children who are left alone when their parents are busy with something else, can feel helpless in their loneliness. Loneliness traumatizes children because alone they are not able to develop their self. They stop developing. A distortion occurs in the development of a child if he experiences long moments of loneliness. On the other hand, it is not so bad if the child spends a couple of hours alone, since this is an impetus for his development. This is exactly what reality is.

In old age, loneliness is no longer a traumatic factor and does not hinder development - but it does load. It can cause depression, paranoid feelings, sleep disorders, psychosomatic complaints and pseudodementia. It happens that pseudodementia is a person’s silence from loneliness. He used to have a family, he worked for decades, was among people, and now he sits at home alone. One of my patients, aged 85, was sitting at home alone. Being her doctor, so that she would not be completely lonely, I bought her a canary. She had a living creature. This canary helped her live a couple of years longer. She talked to her every day.

For most older people, TV serves as a “comforter”. But TV is communication directed only in one direction. And yet man, at least, hears human voices. And in any case he can say something to himself, even if no one will hear. I think this is not a bad form of overcoming loneliness, creating some kind of bridge, because it relieves the severity of loneliness. But, of course, this is an ersatz, a replacement. In old age, loneliness can be very depressing. Especially if he has lost the ability to see or hear. Can I imagine having to live in this state for a couple of years? When the only thing that will accompany me is back pain or digestive disorders. We can imagine how helpless we are in such situations. And here the question of the value of life really arises.

Do I know loneliness? If we ask ourselves: When was the last time I felt lonely? Is loneliness somehow present in my life? Maybe it is hidden behind some kind of businesslike everyday life? If I'm honest, I can probably detect it. Or I may discover that there were times when I was lonely. Maybe I haven’t known this feeling for a long time? Maybe it's alien to me? Or the other pole: maybe I really suffer acutely from loneliness? And it suppresses me so much that all the joy about life has simply disappeared that the question arises about the meaning of life.

Loneliness among people

I can experience loneliness not only if I have no relationships with people. I can feel lonely during a holiday, at a party, even at my own birthday, at school, at work, in my family. Sometimes people are nearby, but something is missing. There is no meeting, there is no intimacy, there is no exchange with the other person. We are having superficial conversations, but I have a need to really talk to a person. We talk about skiing, about cars, but we don't talk about me and you.

In many families, we talk only about some matters, who should buy what, who should cook the food, but they are silent about our relationships, about what we care about. Then I feel lonely and in the family.

If no one sees me in the family, especially if we are talking about a child, then I am lonely. It’s even worse - I’m abandoned, because there are people around, but they are not interested in me, they don’t look me in the eyes. They only look at whether I do well in school and that I don't do anything bad. And this is how I was raised. I'm growing up alone.

The same thing happens in partnerships: we have been together for 20 years, but at the same time we feel lonely. The sexual relationship is functioning, but am I in the relationship? For the other person, is it about me - or only about himself? Or just about satisfying some needs? If we don't take the time to talk to each other like we did when we were in love, then we become lonely even in good relationships.

In every relationship there are times when loneliness is felt as the relationship moves more along a curve, going through ups and downs. We cannot be constantly ready to communicate with another, be constantly open to another person. We are immersed in ourselves, busy with our problems, feelings, and we have no time for anything else. But it could happen just when he needs it most. At this moment I am not there for the other, and the other feels lonely, maybe even abandoned in trouble. Such situations occur in any relationship. But it doesn't harm the relationship if we can talk about our different states later. And then we find each other again. But sometimes these moments remain wounds that we receive in the course of our lives.

We can experience loneliness not only when we are not in a relationship, but even when we are surrounded by people. And at the same time, we may not feel lonely when no one is around.

To understand loneliness, let's try to look at a person more deeply. Then we can understand why loneliness manifests itself in so many different ways.

Reasons for loneliness

Man is a creature that is, as it were, placed in the world. The main idea of ​​existential philosophy is that it is impossible to be human without correlation with the world. To be human means fundamentally to be in the world, to be in connection with something or someone else. Without connecting with otherness, it is impossible to be human.

Heidegger defined “being here” (existence) in precisely this way. Heidegger often used the word Dasein instead of the concept Person to show that I cannot be if I am not connected with You or with This. To be here is to be at peace. In the world of my family, in the world of my city, in the world of my ideas and ideas. That is, being human is a fundamental relatedness. If something in this correlation is not functioning, then we experience a lack of something and may feel lonely.

But this connection is twofold. Martin Buber spoke about the “I-Thou” and “I-It” relationships: I relate to another person, just like me, and this is a personal relationship, or I relate to some thing, some business ( for example, “I’m driving a car”). That is, relationships have an external pole, but they also have an internal pole. I also need to deal with myself, I need not just BE in this world, but I must also be ME. We have a correlation outside and a correlation with ourselves. This idea can help you understand three reasons why loneliness occurs.

Firstly, loneliness is a violation, a disorder of relationships. When we are alone, we worry that there is either no relationship or that it is not developing correctly. A relationship with a person means: I am connected with this person through my feelings, I would like to experience the person in my feelings. I would like to be able to feel what motivates him and what he feels.

Let's think about the relationship with your child. I would like to feel how a child experiences and lives his life. I would like to participate in this, I would like to be close to him - because through closeness I develop a feeling about my child and his life.

Relationships are more than correlation in terms of feelings. Relationships always have a beginning, but relationships have no end. Relationships last forever. And it can be assumed that since I always remain connected to the person with whom I have or had a relationship, I can never be lonely. All the relationships that I had with other people were preserved in me. If I meet my ex-girlfriend after 20 years on the street, then my heart begins to beat faster - because there was something, and it still continues to be in me. Everything that happens in a relationship is preserved. And I can live by this. If I experienced something good with some person, then this is a source of happiness in my subsequent life. I can think about my mother, my father, with whom I had a good relationship, and feel a warm feeling.

However, if the relationship is bad, then I don’t want to remember them, I don’t want to go back to the past. Then I wish it weren't true. Then I lose contact with it. There seems to be a relationship, but it hurts me - and I turn away. And if I turn away, then the relationship no longer lives at that moment. Therefore, it may be that I will feel lonely, although I am or have been in a relationship.

There's another reason why relationships can make you feel lonely. What we have described so far is the outer pole of the relationship. But there are relationships directed inward - relationships with oneself. If I don’t feel myself, if I don’t have feelings, if they are muted, then I’m alone with myself. If I don’t feel my body, my breathing, my mood, my well-being, my fatigue, my joy, my pain - if I don’t feel all this, then I’m not in a relationship with myself. Then I am missing a fundamental, basic part of life.

This can happen if I have had an experience that hurt - then I don't want to turn on myself. If I have been offended, disappointed, deceived, if I have been ridiculed, then I feel pain if I turn towards myself. And it is a natural human reflex to turn away from what causes pain and suffering. We described this in terms of external relationships, but also in internal relationships I can withdraw from myself. And then I no longer feel myself, I am no longer in a relationship with myself. It can take me so far that I won't feel my body. I will feel my feelings to such a small extent that I will develop psychosomatic disorders. They always indicate that you are not feeling something very important. This is a signal: you don’t have to continue living like this, feel what hurts you so that you can process it. So that you can be sad, so that you can forgive - otherwise you will not be free. Migraines, stomach ulcers, asthma and other disorders tell me: don't continue like this. There is something very important that you must do first.

If I lose my relationship with myself, then I will no longer be able to feel myself. Or even worse - I can’t live a relationship with you either.

I cannot truly experience a relationship with another if I am not capable of resonance, if no movement arises in me, because the feelings are too wounded. Or because I never really had them. If my mother never held me in her arms, if my father did not have time for me, if I had no real friends, then I have a “dull” world of feelings - a world that could not develop. Then my feelings are poor and then I am constantly alone. Because I don't feel very good (or not at all). Therefore, in relation to another person, my feelings are also flat. This is the second level of relationships that leads to loneliness.

But there is also a third level, which is above the level of relationships and which is also causally related to loneliness. This is the meeting level. This level is connected with the fact that I am I in a relationship. If in a relationship we can experience being together and feel the closeness of another person, then thanks to the I another aspect is introduced that “explodes” this pleasant being together: with all our connectedness and mutual striving towards, we realize that I am I, You are You, but I am not You. That difference that cannot be eliminated. It is eliminated, for example, in a symbiotic relationship, when I myself dissolve in you. But if I am I, then there is a boundary between us. Then I worry that, in principle, I am responsible only for myself, I am left alone with myself.

There is no second Alfried Langle in this world. Each of us is one and only. The way I am is unique and unique nowhere else. And this is the basis that can potentially make us alone in this world.

Healing Loneliness

What can help here? The other person has the same sensations, he feels the same way. If it is You who turns to me, it will help me accept loneliness. If other people look at me, in my direction, then they will let me know: “I see you. You are here.” And I really am here, and not only with my feelings - I am here as a Person.

If, for example, another person is listening to me, then it is directed at me. It’s not just about the fact that some kind of movement of feelings is happening, but about the fact that someone is trying to understand me. And he tells me that he understands how he feels about this. If other people are interested in what I am doing, then I see that I have performed this action and it attracts the other person's attention. That is, not only I see it, others also see it. And then it takes on the character of reality. If others look at me this way, then they respect boundaries and differences. If I feel seen, it means I was treated with respect.

If other people take the next step and take me seriously, leave me with my own, “Yes, you baked this cake, not me,” then they are treating me fairly. If they listen to my comments, if they say, “What you said is important. Maybe you could explain that further?”, then those people are treating me fairly. This is an even higher level than just being seen. Being seen means I respect the boundary, I don't step on you, I don't go around you. The pinnacle of it all is recognizing my worth. If the other says, “I like it”; “I think this is important,” then I receive a value judgment from the other. And thus my self-worth takes root. I may get criticism, but it gives me a certain contour as a Person. If others come to me, are tuned in to me, I am not alone.

If all this happens when I am a child, then I can build my Self. The development of the Self is associated with meeting other people. Parents are the people who see me, who take me seriously and let me know that they value me. And then the child can begin to do the same to himself.

We need to learn this. We can learn this from others, but we cannot develop it in ourselves without You. This is why Martin Buber said that the I becomes the I next to the You. The self acquires the ability to deal with itself - and then deal with others in the same way. A person who experiences an encounter develops abilities through which he can meet others.

We have Person - this is the source. This source itself begins to speak in us, but for this the I must be heard. This I needs a You that will listen to it. Thanks to the meeting with the other, I can go to myself. And at the same time I experience the basic experience of being a Person. I am trusted to myself, I have an inner life, the Person inside me speaks to my I, and through I speaks to You and thus expresses itself. If I live from this coherence, then I am authentic, then I am truly I. And then I am no longer alone.

The closer this world becomes, the easier it is to actually feel like you’re on the sidelines. Do you often feel this way? You are not the only person like this, that much is certain. You may be wondering how to get rid of this feeling of loneliness. First of all, you need to study yourself well, and then, on the basis of this, you can begin to overcome your feeling of loneliness.

Steps

Part 1

Take action

Keep yourself busy. Organize your activities so that they take as much time as possible. When a person’s schedule is filled to capacity with various activities that distract him and bring results, he simply has no time to think about the fact that he is lonely. Become a volunteer. Find an extra job. Join a club, sign up for a new gym. Start a couple of craft projects. Just get rid of thoughts of loneliness from your head.

• What types of hobbies are you interested in? What do you do best? What have you always dreamed of doing but put off? Take advantage of this opportunity and devote time to this.

1. Change the environment. It's easy to sit at home and spend the day watching your favorite TV shows. However, returning to the same environment will only provoke the development of thoughts of loneliness. Go to a cafe to work on the computer. Go to the park and watch the people passing by while sitting on a bench. Stimulate your brain to distract it from negative thoughts.

   Do things that make you feel positive. By doing something that truly interests you, you can easily get rid of the feeling of loneliness. Think about what makes you feel positive. Meditation? Reading foreign literature? Singing? So go ahead! Spend some of your precious time on your hobby. Ask a classmate, colleague, or guy from the gym if they'd like to join you. Here's a new friend for you.

   • Avoid abusing harmful substances to dull painful feelings. Find healthy activities that actually bring you pleasure, not just temporary relief.

2. Watch for warning signs. Sometimes you can so desperately want to get rid of the feeling of loneliness that you will be ready to do anything that even in the slightest way contributes to this. But be careful - don’t make bad connections, don’t communicate with people who are simply using you. It happens that a vulnerable state due to loneliness makes a person vulnerable to manipulators and rapists. People who are not interested in healthy and strong relationships can be identified by the following signs:

   • They look "too good to be real." They call you all the time, schedule all your time and seem perfect. Often these are all signs of people who are prone to violence and want to take complete control of your life.
   • They don't reciprocate. You can give them rides from work, do things for them on weekends, etc., but somehow they will never do anything for you. These people are simply taking advantage of your vulnerability for their own gain.
   • They get in a bad mood when you plan to spend time somewhere else. You may be so interested in talking to someone else that their controlling behavior may not bother you very much at first. However, if someone is constantly holding you accountable, keeping track of where you are and who you're with, and getting upset that you're not spending time with them, that's a bad sign.

3. Focus your attention on your loved ones. For those who crave independence, this may seem difficult, but sometimes we have to depend on others. If you're feeling lonely, reach out to a trusted relative or friend - even if they're hundreds of miles away. One call can lift your spirits.

   • If you are going through a difficult period, your loved ones may not even know about it. Yes, you don’t have to talk about all your feelings in detail. Share with them what you are willing to share. Most likely, your loved ones will be grateful to you for this.

4. Find others like you. The easiest place to start is on the Internet. It's full of resources where people can find friends. Try to chat with people who enjoy the same hobbies and share your interests. Think about your favorite books or movies, or where you're from or where you currently live. You can create or find a group based on almost any criteria.

   Get a pet. Relationships are so important to humans that they have been breeding furry companions for 30,000 years. And if Tom Hanks could live with Wilson for years, it will only benefit you if a dog or cat appears nearby. Pets can make amazing friends. The main thing is to make sure that you are not pushing people out of your life due to them. Try to maintain friendly relationships with at least a few people, so that you have someone to talk to and someone to lean on during difficult times.

   • Don't pay thousands of rubles for a dog. Contact your local animal shelter and you may be able to select a pet from them that needs a good home.
   • According to research, in addition to all the benefits of the company, pets improve physical well-being and even prolong life.

5. Think about others. Social research shows that there is a relationship between selfishness and loneliness. This doesn't mean you shouldn't reflect on your emotions, but it does mean they shouldn't become the center of your life. Once you start thinking about others, your feeling of loneliness will simply melt away. Research shows that volunteering, for example, helps people build stronger, more fulfilling emotional connections, which can reduce loneliness.

   • The easiest way to change your focus is to find a group of people who need your help. Volunteer at a hospital, soup kitchen, or other charity. Become part of a support group. Start donating funds. Become a strong shoulder and support for someone. Everyone in this world is struggling with something; perhaps you can help someone achieve their own small victory.
   • You might even think about ways to help others who are feeling lonely. The poor and elderly are often excluded from social life. By visiting older people in a nursing home or organizing a party for hospital patients, you can make someone else feel less lonely too.

   Part 2

   Change your thinking

   1. Express your feelings in private. Keeping a journal can help you understand where your feelings of loneliness are coming from. For example, if you have a lot of friends, you may be embarrassed that you feel lonely. Observe when you have this feeling and make notes in your diary. When do they appear? How do they manifest themselves? What happens the moment you have these feelings?

      • For example, you just moved from your parents to another city. You have made friends from among your work colleagues, and you enjoy communicating with them, but still in the evenings, when you return home to an empty apartment, you feel lonely. This observation suggests that you are missing someone with whom you can establish a close and stable emotional connection.
      • Understanding where the source of your loneliness lies can help you overcome it. It also helps you perceive your feelings more positively. In the example above, realizing that you like your new friends but miss your family connections will allow you to see and accept that your feelings are quite natural.

   2. Reframe negative thoughts. Pay attention to the mental loops that run through your head throughout the day. Focus on those thoughts that relate to you or other people. If these are negative thoughts, try to rephrase them with positive meaning. For example: “No one at work understands me,” replace it with: “I haven’t made any friends at work... yet.”

      • Paraphrasing your inner monologues can be very difficult. Too often we are not even aware of all the negative thoughts we have throughout the day. Spend just ten minutes trying to track all your negative thoughts. And then try to rephrase them so that they sound positive. Next, gradually increase the time of this exercise until you spend the entire day monitoring and controlling your internal monologue. Having successfully completed this exercise, you will be surprised to discover how much your view of many things will change.

   3. Stop thinking in black and white categories. This kind of thinking is classified as a cognitive distortion and requires your intervention. All-or-nothing thinking like, “I'm lonely now, I'll always be lonely,” or, “I don't have anyone who cares about me,” will only make you feel more lonely and make you feel like you're all alone. more unhappy.

      • Resist these thoughts as soon as you have them. For example, you can remember different times when you weren’t lonely at all. When you were able to connect with a person, even if only briefly, and you felt understood. Recognize that statements dictated by black-and-white thinking are one-sided and do not take into account the true complexity of our rich emotional lives.

   4. Think positively. Negative thinking leads to negative reality. Your thoughts often turn into self-fulfilling prophecies. If you are prone to negative thinking, it means that you are used to seeing the whole world in a negative light. If you go to a party thinking that no one will like you and that you are unlikely to have fun, you will spend the entire time leaning against the wall, not interacting with anyone, and not having any fun. On the contrary, positive thinking contributes to the emergence of positive events in your life.

   5. Attend a consultation with a professional. Sometimes feeling lonely can be a symptom of a much larger problem. If you feel like the whole world has turned its back on you and that there is no room for gray in your black-and-white thinking, you may find it helpful to see a psychologist or psychotherapist.

      • Constantly feeling lonely can sometimes be a sign of depression. Consulting with a mental health professional can help you recognize early signs of depression and treat the disorder accordingly.
      • Even talking in itself can help. It can give you insight into what is normal and what is not, what you can do to fit in better in society, and how much better you can feel if you change your lifestyle.

   Part 3

   Understand yourself

   1. Define your type of loneliness. Loneliness can take different forms and manifest itself differently in each individual person. For some, this is just a slight assumption that appears from time to time and disappears without a trace, but for others it is an enduring part of their reality. You may experience social or emotional loneliness more often.

      • "Social loneliness." This type of loneliness includes feelings such as aimlessness, boredom, and social isolation. It can arise during periods when a person is outside of strong social relationships (or has lost them, for example due to moving).
      • "Emotional loneliness." This type of loneliness includes feelings such as anxiety, depression, vulnerability and despair. It comes in cases where a person does not have strong emotional connections with people with whom he would like to have them.

   2. Realize that loneliness is a “feeling.” The main and essential step towards overcoming loneliness is to realize that, no matter how painful it may be, it is “just a feeling.” It does not necessarily correspond to the actual situation and is therefore not constant. Figuratively speaking, “this too shall pass.” It has nothing to do with your actual position in society. All it has to do with are little inflamed neurons in your head. And even if they do not show themselves in the best way, nevertheless this situation can be changed. You can simply confront your own thoughts about loneliness and eventually experience relief.

      • And finally, it is you who decide what you can use in this situation. Use it as an opportunity to better understand yourself and make changes for the better. The evolutionary view of loneliness suggests that the pain it causes can give you the energy to take action and help you become the kind of person you might not otherwise be.

Loneliness is a state in which there is a loss of connection with others, with the world around us. And of course, it is familiar to everyone. Some people experience loneliness more acutely and painfully, while others experience loneliness to a lesser extent, while for others it is a colossal source of creative energy.

Loneliness can be very different. For example, a state of loneliness caused by some external factors (death of a loved one, moving to another country, changing jobs, divorce) is called situational feeling of loneliness. After some time, having lived and accepted the loss, a person partially or completely overcomes loneliness.

Finding your place in the world, realizing your finitude and the fact that all people are inherently alone is called existential loneliness. Most often, it occurs during natural age-related crises, most acutely during a midlife crisis. In this case, attempts to drown out this loneliness can only worsen the situation. It is much more useful to perceive this state as a chance to understand something about yourself, as a temporary stop to look around and see where I am going, with whom, do I need it, am I interested in what I am doing. And here the experience of loneliness can be the most important resource for rethinking, self-development and creativity.

There is another kind of loneliness - chronic loneliness- in which a person remains for a long period of time. Who falls into the “risk zone” of people who have a high tendency to chronic loneliness? First of all, these are people with low self-esteem who avoid contact with other people for fear of being criticized. Shy, unsociable natures (introverts). People with a lack of social skills, or full of fears and prejudices. Often the "tendency to loneliness" is laid down in childhood. This is often associated with traumatic childhood experiences. For example, an infant whose needs have not been fully met grows up with the feeling that the world is hostile and dangerous. If a child has not developed basic trust in the world, then loneliness becomes a habitual state for him.

So what should those who feel lonely, those who lack a warm, supportive environment, do?

1. Accept yourself

Low self-esteem, self-doubt, fear of entering into close relationships with other people - all this is a symptom that a person has no contact with himself, with his inner strength. Yes, restoring contact with yourself is a slow process that requires analysis, patience and courage. Working with a psychologist, various bodily practices such as yoga, dance, sports, as well as any creative activity that interests you can help you with this.

2. Improve your social skills

Expand your social circle - it’s easier to find a like-minded person among hundreds of people than among ten. In addition, you will be more likely to acquire new habits and attitudes, which will give you the opportunity for personal growth and significantly expand the circle of people whose views and aspirations coincide with your position in life. Sign up for communication skills training, find a group of people for yourself with similar interests.

3. Talk about your feelings of loneliness

4. Get out of your comfort zone more often

Actively look for ways to find new contacts and new experiences. Meet people on the street, go to theaters, museums, sign up for some courses. Anything that will give you the feeling of discovering previously unknown paths will do. Yes, trying something new is scary and exciting. But this is the only way you can fill the inner emptiness, get acquainted with your inner strength and find people close to you in spirit. But meeting people who are different from you can also be a good experience for you!

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