Priest's advice. Spiritual lighthouse: advice of Orthodox ascetics of the 20th century: Councils of the elders Councils of the clergy

Valaam Elder Michael (Senior)
(1871 - 1934)

Let us be jealous, brethren, for the zealous commemoration of those who have passed away, so that we ourselves, after death... are commemorated. According to the true word of the Savior: "Measure to the smallest measure, it will be measured to you."

Valaam Elder Michael (Pitkevich)
(1877-1962)

No one is saved without humility. Remember that until the end of your life you will fall into sins, heavy or light, angry, boasting, lying, conceited, offending others, being greedy. It is this consciousness that will keep you humble. What is there to be proud of if you sin daily and offend your neighbor. But for every sin there is repentance. You have sinned and repent... and so on until the end. By doing this, you will never despair, but gradually you will come to a peaceful dispensation.

Endure and endure everything - all suffering, all the burden of labor, reproach, slander, but most of all be afraid of despair - this is the most serious sin.

Whatever creeping, falling - you have to get up, do not despair, but start again - work and work is needed, struggle. Crowns are given only for courageous struggle. There must be a struggle, contrition with sincere repentance and firm hope.

When the enemy annoys, wants to annoy, anger, steal the peace of the heart with trifles, annoyances, just say: “Christ is Risen. Christ is Risen. Christ is Risen". He fears these words the most, they burn him like fire, and he will run away from you.

It is not only necessary to pray: “Lord, have mercy,” not only to ask, you must constantly give thanks, and be able to praise the Lord - then there will be peace in the soul.

We easily turn to the intercession of the saints, to the Angels, to the Mother of God, we learn the unceasing prayer of Jesus, and we forget the Holy Trinity, as if the Holy Trinity is wonderful far from us ... We must turn to the Holy Trinity more often.

Valaam elder John (Alekseev)
(1873-1953)

When praying, one must keep oneself in greater indecency, and if warmth and tears appear, one should not dream of something lofty about oneself; let them come and go without our compulsion, but do not be embarrassed when they are stopped, otherwise it does not happen.

Prayer is the most difficult feat... Nevertheless, the Lord, in His mercy, at times gives consolation to the prayer book so that he does not weaken.

The Holy Fathers called prayer the queen of virtues, for it will also attract other virtues. But, as high as it is, so much work is required. Saint Agathon says: "Prayer to the last breath is associated with the labor of a hard struggle."

Do not strive for the warmth of the heart - it comes without our seeking and expectation; prayer must be our work, and success already depends on grace... In the spiritual life leaps are not appropriate, but patient gradualness is required... A sign of prayer in the warmth of the heart and in contrition of heart... Our work must be in every virtue, and success already depends on God's grace, and God gives grace not for labor, but for humility, as much as a person humbles himself, so much grace will visit... The elder replied: “It is not surprising that he sees angels, but I would be surprised at the one who sees his sins.” Although this senile saying is brief, it is very deep in spiritual meaning, for it is most difficult to know oneself.

If you strictly watch yourself, you will truly see yourself worse than everyone else, then those who praise you will not harm you, for people look only at the outward appearance of a person, but do not know him inwardly, except for the spiritual life of those who lead.

It is not in our power to endure in virtue, this is a matter of grace, and grace preserves precisely for humility. The Ladder says: “Where the fall happened, pride preceded it.” It is a great happiness for us that we have the books of St. Fathers, for they speak in detail about the spiritual life. Certainly. It would be good to lead a spiritual life under the guidance of a spiritual mentor, but the monks became impoverished, and without a mentor it is very dangerous to be guided only by books... spiritual path. And we will repent of infirmities, for all the ascetics of piety held on to humility and repentance.

Memory should be stuffed with reading St. Gospels and works of St. Fathers, in a word, so that the mind is not idle. Former events must be replaced by other thoughts, and gradually the former memories are pushed away and the melancholy will pass. Two Masters in one heart cannot live together.

You will never satisfy sinful passions, the more you feed them, the more they require food.

If there were no sorrows, there would be no salvation, said St. Fathers; there are two benefits from sorrows: the first is zeal for God and gratitude from the bottom of the heart. The second - relieves of vain cares and worries. It can be seen from the patristic writings; they, like us, also became discouraged and fainthearted, even experienced what they did not want to commit to writing, so that we, inexperienced in spiritual life, would not be embarrassed and not lead to despair. Of course, the Lord allows sorrows to be in proportion to our strength, who can bear what. They (sorrows) humble us, we have some kind of arrogance that we want to succeed in spiritual life on our own, and in sorrows we learn humility, that our efforts without God's help do not reach the goal. Our work must be towards virtue, and success in virtue already depends on grace, and grace is given from God only to the humble, and you cannot humble yourself without cases of humility.

The Lord knows our weakness, gave us daily repentance until the grave... Rev. Abba Dorotheos says: “Not the drunkard who once got drunk, but the one who always drinks, and not the fornicator who once committed fornication, but the one who always fornicates.” According to spiritual guidance, the punishments are different: whoever strives for virtue and falls, this should be treated with indulgence, for he did not strive for sin, he was accidentally tempted. And whoever does not strive for virtue requires severe punishment in order to come to his senses and strive for virtue.

At St. I found three prophecies of the Fathers about the last monks, and Bishop Ignatius Brianchaninov believes that we are the last monks. “The last monks will not have monastic affairs; their temptations and misfortunes will befall them, and whoever the monks endure them, such will be higher than us and our fathers. Of course, the world cannot know this, for it knows and loves only outward display.

We cannot live without sorrow. The Lord said that in the world you will mourn. There would be no sorrows, there would be no salvation, say St. Fathers. The Lord chose St. Prophets and St. The Apostles, however, did not take sorrow away from them, but our Lord Jesus Christ, a perfect God and a perfect man (except for sin), lived a mournful life on earth. He endured reproach, reproach, contempt, ridicule, beatings, even to shameful death by crucifixion, from the man he created...

Peter of Damascus writes: "If a person sees his sins, like the sand of the sea, and this is a sign of the health of the soul." With these feelings, there is no place for despair, but the soul is filled with tenderness and love for all living on earth. Blessed are such people who come to such a state, it is given by God for the deepest humility and is called dispassion.

Elder Stefan (Ignatenko)
(1886-1973)

Try to keep your mind from distraction and enclose it in the words of prayer... May the Lord help you to strive in prayer and succeed in it, as well as in the patience of sorrows and illnesses, to succeed in humility and meekness...

You have to fight your selfishness. Pray to God, asking for His help, and God will help you get rid of all passions... Every time you happen to get angry, irritated, - as soon as you come to your senses, repent in your mind before God and ask forgiveness from your neighbor if anger was revealed in words against neighbor. Read the edifying books of the Holy Fathers, and they will instruct you on how to live pleasing to God and save your soul.

Don't be discouraged and don't be discouraged. Pray to God with faith and complete trust in His mercy. Everything is possible for God, only we, for our part, should not think that we are worthy of special care for us from God. This is where pride lies. But God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Be attentive to yourself. All the trials that befall us of illness and sorrow are not without a reason. But if you endure everything meekly, then the Lord will not leave you without rewards. If not here on earth, then in every possible way in heaven.

Velikovsky Elder Grigory (Dolbunov)
(1905-1996)

The disease is given to a person so that he comes to his senses and repents.

Our life is a preparation for eternity. Our life is a drop, and eternity is an ocean. Therefore, one must be afraid of sin and not think more of oneself than of one's neighbor...

We often grumble:

Why am I so unhappy?

And to the Theotokos - why are there seven wounds (sorrows) like that? If every day, at least one bow to the Mother of God, she would no longer let go, take under her protection and lead to the Kingdom of Heaven.

If you offended your mother and she cursed or scolded you - lay 40 prostrations daily for her health so that the Lord forgives you ...

If someone died on you in a grudge, do 40 prostrations for him. The Church prays for repentant sinners, but it is useless to pray for the unrepentant.

If you do not fulfill what your mother asks you to do, the Lord will not hear your prayers ...

If you do not forgive the one who offends you, then the Lord will not forgive you a single sin ...

When you get sick. Before you go to the doctor, go to church, take communion and pray for the health of the attending physician:

Lord, enlighten your servant (name) to find a cure for my illness.

When we lie to each other, we are lying to Christ.

If you can’t sleep at night, you need to cross yourself and pray:

God bless you for peaceful sleep.

And cross the bed. This should be done every night before going to bed.

The Lord rewards patience. For innocent suffering He will reward a hundredfold...

Therefore, you need to rejoice when they offend, for a cause or in vain, and cry when you yourself have offended someone.

Pride is the main cause of sin. It is defined as follows: he is proud who considers everyone evil, and himself good.

We must repent with a petition: “Lord, deliver me from everything that interferes with Your stay in me. Lord, teach me to always be in repentance.”

The greatest treasure on earth is the Communion of the Holy Mysteries of Christ.
There is nothing better than this for a Christian. This is a priceless gift from God.

Elder Theophilus (Rossokha)
(Skete of the Kitaevskaya Holy Trinity Hermitage)
(1929-1996)

To live like a Christian, stick to the Orthodox Church. Live the Christian life. It is necessary to take communion once a month, to use baptismal water at home and part of the holy prosphora in the morning.

The Gospel says: “Your faith has saved you,” that is, the first Christians had great faith. The Lord reminded them that they should have living faith and high Christian piety. So they tried to live for real. The Lord blessed them for labors, for deeds. They strongly confessed Christ, believed in Him and often gave their lives - like the holy healer Panteleimon, George the Victorious (Diocletian's first minister), the Great Martyr Barbara, the Great Martyr Paraskeva, the Great Martyr Catherine and others ... These are the lights of the first Christian people! Imitate them, read them, follow them.

May God grant you to succeed in everything, and go from strength to strength, and achieve the highest spiritual perfection.

Reverend Barnabas
(Radonezh elder)
(1831-1906)

Anyone who sincerely desires to work for the Lord for the salvation of his soul must first of all fast and pray, and then humility and obedience - this is and from this all the fullness of Christian virtues flows. Fasting and prayer constitute the safest defense against enemy attacks...

Whenever we are attacked by confusion of thoughts or some other pretext of the enemy, we must immediately use this medicine, that is, we must impose a fast on ourselves, and the slander of the enemy will dissipate. Great power is hidden in fasting, and great deeds are accomplished through it... It is not the one who regularly fasts who abstains only from food, but that is revered as a full fast, when at the same time he is removed from every evil deed, and not only deed, but every word idle and unsimilar thoughts - in a word, everything, contrary to God.

Zosimovsky Elder Herman
(1844-1923)

Be sure to read the Jesus Prayer: the name of Jesus must always be in our heart, mind and tongue: whether you are standing, lying, sitting, walking, eating - and always, always repeat the Jesus Prayer. It's very comforting! You can't do without it. After all, it is possible to say the Jesus Prayer in short: it is the holy fathers who speak for the new beginnings. It will be more useful and stronger. Remember the six words: "Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner"...

Learn self-reproach: you cannot do without it.

Prayer is the most important thing in life. If you feel lazy, careless, what to do? Such is the man! And you pray to God with full attention, just, like children, say the words of the prayer to the Lord Himself: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”

Delve into every word of prayer with your mind; if the mind runs away, bring it back again, force it to be here, and repeat the words of the prayer with your own tongue. So it will be good! But for the time being, leave your heart and do not think about it; such a prayer is enough for you. The main thing is that the feeling of self-reproach would be relentless, the feeling of one's sinfulness and irresponsibility - before God ... And one must reproach oneself not only in bad deeds. You may have few sinful deeds, but we will also answer for sinful thoughts.

Reverend Alexy (Soloviev)
(Elder Alexy was the confessor of Zosima Hermitage)
(1846-1928)

If there is no spirit of confession, it will be difficult to die... You can always, under any circumstances, talk about God. For example, children will tell you: "We are not able to do some arithmetic problem." And you answered: “Nothing, with God's help you will overcome it. Pray to God harder,” etc.

People suffer only because they do not understand true self-denial in the name of the Crucified One for our sake... A person sheds many tears of a contrite heart in order to become able to comfort others in the Lord. One must go to a place where spiritual craving torments a person so much that he is tempted to commit suicide. This is not an easy feat, bordering on the true crucifixion of one's own sinfulness, for only he can heal the desperate, who himself, by the strength of his spirit, can take on his spiritual suffering.

The soul is purified by suffering; Do you know that Christ remembers you if He visits you with sorrows... When entering into life, you need to pray to the Lord to direct your path. He, the Most High, gives the cross to everyone according to the inclinations of the human heart... the ways of the Lord are inscrutable. We sinners do not need to know why the Almighty Christ often allows injustices that are incomprehensible to the human mind. He knows what He is doing and why. The disciples of Christ never thought that Christ would give them happiness, in the sense of earthly prosperity. They were happy only with spiritual communion with their Sweetest Teacher. After all, Jesus appeared in the world in order to confirm His followers with His life in the idea that earthly life is an unceasing feat. Christ could have escaped His suffering, but He Himself voluntarily went to the cross. God loves especially those who volunteer to suffer for Christ's sake.

Force yourself to mercy, to kindness to your neighbors, you need to help those in need, develop pity and love in yourself.

Glinsky Elder Andronicus (Lukash)
(1889-1973)

Do nothing of your own free will, feel the presence of God in every place, and therefore do everything as before God, and not before people.

Passions: fornication, sinful lust, love of money, despondency, slander, anger, hatred, vanity and pride are the main branches of evil. All passions, if freedom is allowed to them, act, grow, intensify in the soul, finally, embrace it, take possession of it and separate it from God; these are the heavy burdens that fell on Adam after he ate of the tree; these passions were killed on the Cross by our Lord Jesus Christ...

The Lord keeps your soul until then, as long as you keep your tongue. Do not multiply words; verbosity will remove the Spirit of God from you.

It is a great thing to learn silence. Silence is an imitation of our Lord, Who answered nothing, as if marveling at Pilate (Mark 15:5).

Glinsky Elder Seraphim (Romantsev)
(1885-1975)

Everyone has sorrow. They replace the elders, since the Lord allows them, knowing the heart of everyone. No one will help or change if you do not change yourself. You need to start with attention to language and mind. And you have to constantly watch to blame yourself, not others.

We must endure everything with childish humility - both pleasant and unpleasant, and for everything glorify the good God. What kind of sorrow or illness has come, we will say: “Glory to Thee, Lord.” Have sorrows and illnesses multiplied, again: “Glory to Thee, Lord”... With illnesses and sorrows, the Lord heals the sinful wounds of our souls. Endure all difficulties with thanksgiving to the Lord, He never gives a person a cross that he could not bear, and with His grace strengthens us to overcome difficulties. And with murmuring and despair, we push away divine help from ourselves and, being ourselves unable to bear the burden of our sins, we move further and further away from God ...

When attacked by passions and at all temptations of the enemy, in illnesses, in sorrows, in troubles and misfortunes - in all the difficulties of life, say: “The Lord does everything for me, but I myself can’t do anything, endure nothing, overcome, conquer. He is my strength!”

Begin every day in the morning to lay a good beginning, asking with the words of Chrysostom: “Lord, make me love You ...”

If you notice that you didn’t manage to do everything you wanted, say: “Lord, have mercy!” It would be necessary to force myself, but laziness overcame - "Lord, forgive me." If someone, having forgotten, you condemn - rather repent, if you violate something - too. Having repented, try not to sin, but do not stop your attention on what you have admitted, so that you always have a calm spirit, do not be indignant at anything or anyone.

Diseases are allowed when we are not capable of feats. Our grief is that we are very impatient and cowardly.

A great consolation in illness would be the practice of unceasing Jesus prayer. It is "grafted" only with contrition for sins and humility. The elder said that those who know from experience what joy prayer gives, no longer want changes, because they are afraid of losing prayer in the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

Will anyone offend? Give in to him, and a peaceful silence will come, relieving the soul from embarrassment. In the spiritual life, evil is not repaid for evil, but evil is conquered piously. Do good to those who offend you, pray for those who attack you, and place all sorrow on the Lord. He is the protector and comforter of the afflicted.

Spiritual wealth is acquired through patience. Patience is requested by unceasing prayer: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me,” and he will have mercy.

Athos Elder Kirik (Russian Elder)

The most important virtues are the following: sincere confession, considering oneself worse than all and more sinful than all, and cutting off one's own will. These are the basic virtues of every man, as well as monastic virtues in particular.

Before you start any work, apparently the smallest and most insignificant, until you call on God to help you put it into action. The Lord said: “Without Me you can do nothing,” i.e. lower to say, lower to think. In other words: without Me, you have no right to do any good deed! And according to this, it is necessary to call on the grace-filled help of God either in words or mentally: “Lord bless, Lord help!” with the assurance that without the help of God we cannot do anything useful and saving ...

As soon as you notice in yourself (in the light of conscience and the law of God) - the sin of the mind, word, thought, or some sinful passion or habit that fights you at any time and place - immediately repent to God (even mentally): " Lord forgive and help! (that is, forgive me for offending You, and help me not to offend Your greatness). These three words - Lord, forgive and help, should be pronounced slowly and several times, or rather, until you breathe; this sigh means the coming of the grace of the Holy Spirit, who has forgiven us this sin, for which we are currently repenting to God...

But in order to have a good habit of repentance before God, we must desire a firm determination for this saving work and ask God to strengthen our will for this work; and start it from the time when the day has turned towards evening and the night is falling, and then, before going to bed, one must think: how was the day spent?

Athos Elder Joseph Hesychast
(+1959)

The beginning of the path to pure prayer is a struggle with the passions. It is impossible to succeed in prayer while the passions are active. But even they do not prevent the coming of the grace of prayer, there would be only carelessness and vanity.

When you want to know the will of God, forget yourself completely, all your intentions and thoughts, and with great humility ask in your prayer to know it.

And whatever your heart is formed or to which it inclines, then do it, and it will be according to God. Those who have great boldness to pray for this hear a more distinct notice within themselves and become more attentive to their lives and do nothing without divine notice.

And in everything have measure and reason.

When a person purifies his soul, and the New Adam, our sweetest Jesus, is conceived in him, then the heart is unable to contain joy, and that indescribable pleasure that descends into the heart rejoices, and the eyes shed the sweetest tears, and the whole person becomes like a flame. fire from the love of Jesus. And the mind becomes all - light, and is amazed, and marveled at the glory of God.

True love does not happen without submission. How can you give love and serve if you have not submitted to the will of another? Any movement of true love is a service, and, therefore, the obedient make a double effort. On the one hand, faith to the one who gave the commission, and on the other hand, love applied in the ministry that is being done.

If the grace of God does not enlighten a person, no matter how many words you say, there will be no benefit ... But if grace immediately acts along with the words, then at that very moment a change takes place in accordance with the aspiration of the person. From that moment on, his life changes. But this happens to those who have not corrupted their ears and hardened their consciences. On the contrary, those who hear good, but do not obey and remain with their evil will, even if you spoke to them day and night, and showed all the wisdom of the fathers and performed miracles before their eyes, they would not receive any benefit. But out of despondency, they want to come... And talk for hours to kill time. Why do I shut the door so that by silence and prayer I can benefit at least myself.

Elder Jerome (Apostolidis)
(Fr. Aegina) (1883-1966)

Pay attention to how each day goes by. Place your future in the Providence of God. God will help.

Don't leave your prayers. Be afraid of negligence and indifference, when you pray and feel compunction, then all day you will fly as if on wings.

If among 1000 blind people there is at least one sighted person, then he will be able to lead them all to the right path.

When you give charity, do not look at the face of the one to whom you give it, whether he is a good person or a bad one. You, when you can, come without research. Charity blots out many sins.

Beautiful and useful things are sorrow and illness. I consider sickness a gift from God. Many have come to know God through their illness.

Athos Elder Daniel (Dimitriadis)
(1846-1929)

When I remember death, I trample on my arrogance and realize that I am nothing. I feel that wealth, honor and dreams of perishable things are vain and useless, and only a humble knowledge of oneself. Love for my neighbor and the like can help me a lot in the hour of my exodus.

Athos Elder Porfiry
(1906-1991)

Read a lot so that God enlightens your mind.

Here you are in a dark room and wave your hands to drive away the darkness, which, of course, does not go away. But if you open the window and light comes in, the darkness will disappear. It's the same with teaching. Holy Scripture, the lives of the saints and the Holy Fathers are the light that drives away spiritual darkness.

Today people fail because they are looking for self-love. It is right not to be interested in whether they love you, but whether you yourself love Christ and people. Only in this way the soul is filled.

Elder Joel (Yannakopoulos)
(monastery of St. Prophet Elijah in Calama)
(1901-1966)

If you read the Holy Fathers, you will see that on many issues they have their own opinions and sometimes disagreements... But if there is any issue on which the Fathers have no disagreements, it is the question of achievement. In this there is the conciliar consent of the Fathers. They all sing of fasting, vigil, voluntary poverty, embitterment of the body and, in general, a good life... The fathers prayed a lot, watched a lot, fasted a lot, loved poverty and simplicity, hated worldly wisdom, fought delusions, despised worldly peace, ran away from awards, glory, honors and loved martyrdom very much.

There is no big or small sin. Small or big sin is always a sin. Small sins do us more harm than one big sin, because small sins go unnoticed and we do not try to correct them.

Elder Philotheus (Zervakos)
(Paros Island) (1884-1980)

A sign of true repentance is a deep experience, contrition and sorrow of the heart, sighs, prayers, fasts, vigils and tears. Such repentance is authentic and true. Such repentance is beneficial, for it grants forgiveness to the sinner and makes him a friend of God.

Real temporary life is like the sea, and we humans are like boats. And just as ships sailing on the sea meet not only calm, but also strong winds, and terrible storms, and dangers, so we, traveling on the sea of ​​temporary life, often meet strong winds, great storms, intrigues, temptations, weaknesses, sorrows. , hardships, persecutions and various dangers. But we must not be shy. B dem have courage, courage, faith. And if we, as cowardly and unbelieving people, are timid in danger, then, like Peter, let us cry out to Christ, and He will stretch out His hand and help us.

Faith leads a person to fear. What fear? In fear of committing a sin. For fear of upsetting God. He who fears is humbled, and the humble has the Holy Spirit in him.

Elder Epiphanius (Theodoropoulos)
(Athens) (1930-1989)

Sorrow cleanses us. A real person is always in sorrow. In joy, he changes, becomes different. In grief, he becomes what he really is. And then, for the most part, he approaches God. He feels his powerlessness. Often, when he is in glory and joy, he thinks of himself that he is "the navel of the earth", or, if you like, the center of the universe: "Me and no one else!" In suffering and grief, he feels like an insignificant goosebump in the universe, completely dependent, and seeks help and support. All of us who have experienced suffering, mental or physical, know that we have never prayed like this, both in quality and quantity, as we prayed on the sickbed or in the test of severe spiritual sorrow. But when we have everything, we forget about prayer, fasting, and much, much more. That is why God allows suffering.

Athos elder Paisios
(1924-1994)

God allows temptations in order to cleanse our souls from dirt and make our souls blameless with sorrows and sobs, and so that we would have to resort to God for our salvation.

The purpose of reading is the fulfillment of what is read by the person himself. We read to memorize not external, but internal. Not for the exercise of the tongue, but in order to be able to receive a fiery tongue and experience the mysteries of God. Studying, acquiring knowledge and receiving a title for the teaching of others, without doing everything by the person himself, does not bring him any benefit.

About household chores . Everyone in the family has their own responsibilities. The husband provides for the family, and the wife should be the keeper of the house.

- Should a husband help his wife with household chores?

- I would formulate differently: can a husband help his wife with household chores? Maybe. But you can't say "should". After all, what is debt? This is a duty. And we have already said that everyone in the family has their own responsibilities. The husband provides for the family, and the wife should be the keeper of the house.

That is, household chores mostly still lie on her shoulders. And you can’t force your husband to constantly wash the floors, you can’t do laundry. I know that husbands do it themselves with pleasure if they see that it is difficult for their wife. But when they are forced, it is very sad for them, everything inside resists, because this is not their duty. Some women boast: "My husband washes, cooks, cleans...". It must be understood that when the wife begins to gradually gain authority and power in the family and the husband is relegated to secondary roles, this is the path to the disintegration of the family. Should be the authority of the husband and father. It is very important. In the same way as for a husband there should be the authority of God. Therefore, in the performance of household duties, you can ask your husband for help, but you can not order. You can accept help, but you can't legitimize it.

- Which spouse is more responsible for raising children?

- In the Orthodox tradition, a wife should still be a household person, raise children. This is a great job - to run a house, a household, and a woman usually did just that. Due to poverty, when the husband was unable to feed his family, his wife had to work. But even if a wife has a higher salary than her husband, she should forget it. Traditionally, the whole way of family life emphasized the authority of the husband, father. He sat in the main place at the table and until he took a spoon, no one started dinner. And now mommy is carrying a plate to her son, first to her daughter, then she will remember about dad. Little things, but they are destructive. They exalt children, children cease to obey their parents, the authority of adults is lost. The art of family life is the art of wisdom. humble wisdom. If dad is resting, everyone should tiptoe. If it's hard for mom, dad should say: "Come on, kids, we'll help." You need to see this, you need to notice each other, love, respect, live by caring for each other. And when you see only yourself, your fatigue, your desires, then you begin to feel sorry only for yourself.

- But what if a woman still has to take on the duties of the head?

- Do not take! It is a sin when a husband gives his wife power in the family, and exactly the same sin when she takes it. They give you, but you don't take: "No, dear, you are the head of the family." It is not necessary to say this, but by way of life, by attitude, emphasize the dominant role of men.

- How not to take? The family will be poor. Could it be?

- Maybe. The trouble is that we are trying to live in comparison with others. And you have to be content with what you have. The wife feeds the family, but you don’t need to take power. Her husband is unemployed, he cannot earn money, but he should still be put in first place, maintain a respectful attitude, show that he is the head of the family. Power is not in who brings more money, but in the hierarchy before God.

- It happens that a female leader does not emphasize her leadership position in the family, and the husband still experiences this painfully.

- Emphasizes, unfortunately. She thinks that she does not emphasize. The internal state is very inertial. When a person comes from a job where he was a leader, it can be difficult to switch to family life. This happens when we begin to treat work as the main thing in life, but after all, work is obedience and there is nothing to be especially proud of. There is intra-family obedience, and there is social obedience. And everyone should be treated responsibly, but not made into a cult. Unfortunately, the novices among us are bad. That's the whole point.

About quarrels. We must understand that a loved one shows weakness. And try not to give him a reason.

- Why do they say: "Lovely swear - only amuse themselves"? So - This is not dangerous?

- They do not swear, but they scold, that is, they grumble. They could have quarreled, but they humbled themselves to the point that they only grumble. They managed to extinguish the fire of irritability, quarrels within themselves, when a conflict could arise. But when they swear, they no longer amuse themselves. And from the world they squeeze each other. When a person extinguishes the fire in himself, it gives consolation and joy that it was possible not to bring the matter to a conflict. Then they cheer, of course.

About the usual disagreements between spouses, the elder said:

"Spouses must have the same confessor. For two pieces of wood to fit perfectly to each other, they need to be scolded one plane." And another time he said:"Spouses must have a confessor, because without an arbiter there is no competition."From books by priest Dionysius Tatsis "Archondarik under the open sky", M., 1998.

- What to do if a husband or wife begins to ridicule the weaknesses of a spouse in public, to say sharp, unpleasant things?

- The holy fathers say that not a word should be told to anyone about internal family problems. Not only to mock each other, but you don’t even need to share with anyone. If you reveal the secrets of family life to other people, you give power over your family life. But not all people are decent. In no case should you boast, rejoice, or share your sorrows. This is an inner, very mysterious life, it must be protected. A person can show weakness in the family, but it was in the family that he showed it, he hoped that his relatives would understand him. He, perhaps, in another situation would not have shown it, but here he could not restrain himself, he showed his weakness, but not because he takes revenge on his loved ones, but because he believes them. A husband opens his soul to his wife, because he trusts, just as a priest is trusted in confession, and when a secret is violated, this is very close to the disclosure of a confession. It is sad when they begin to mock each other, tell secrets, humiliate. This speaks of the depravity of the person who allows himself to do this, of the lack of wisdom.

- What is the second person to do in such a situation?

- Try to reason with your spouse and endure. And try not to give him a reason to ridicule.

So, I say this to you and to everyone: never seek to correct one another with anger, for temptation does not eliminate temptation, but with humility and sincere love. If you see that anger is ahead, postpone correction for a while. And when you see that anger has passed, and peace has come, and dispassionate reasoning works, then speak useful.

My beloved sister, rejoice in the Lord. Today I received your letter full of love and reverence. And, raising his hands, with a warm soul and ardent love, with the secret voices of my humble heart, he prayed to the Lord: "Hear, - I say, - sweet Love, Jesus is my Savior, Light above all light, from the beginningless Father of the Parent, Knowledge and Truth, my Hope and Consolation, my Fortress and Strength, my Love and Enlightenment, hear and send to my sister the light of Your Divine consolation, and break the bolts and locks of her dark and sick soul, and with the illumination of Your radiance console her heart so that her sorrows and constant waves of temptations will decrease. Hey, my sweet Christ, Light,enlightening the womb and heart, soul and body, nerves and bones, mind and mind, and every part of our village, hear me praying for my sister, grieving and exhausted.

This and much more, my love for you are true signs, I proclaim to my Lord. Because I do not forget, remembering you, about your many and countless torments since childhood. And because of them, I love you even more. And of all my loved ones, I give you the most love, for my firstborn of your love are.

One thing I ask you to do for me, in return for such my love for you, is to add a little patience. And I believe in Jesus, who loved us, that He will fulfill all your requests with an increase. And you will find peace of mind, and peace, and everything that is for the benefit of our poor soul, the Lord will give you. You only ask with tears that, as the Lord knows, His holy will, and not yours, be done.

Did you once know that you had sinned against the Lord? Do not add more ulcers to the wound. And if, as a person, you fall again, do not lose heart, do not despair of yourself. For how will not the philanthropic Lord forgive us when He told Peter to forgive the guilty seventy times seven a day?

Let your husband do what he wants. Say that you gave it to alms, and what you should have given to another, do not give it there. Don't do another good deed to another, that's enough. Leave your own will to find peace of mind. For the will of man has become a wall of brass that hinders him

enlightenment from God and the world.

Look at the example of sweet Jesus, Who became obedient to His Beginningless Father until death on the cross. He gave over his body to scourging, his cheeks to beatings, and he did not turn his face away from spitting. You see, my sister, what kind of love the compassionate Lord has shown us! So, let us also leave our own will, let us leave those who are guilty before us. And then with boldness we will say: "And leave usour debts, as we leave our debtors."

For we are all people, born of dust, and we all sin. We are clay, and we have no knowledge. Clay steals from clay. Clay offends clay. Clay slanders clay. Clay rises above clay. Clay enriches clay. Clay rules over clay. Clay beats clay. Clay imprisons clay. And in general, clay before clay imagines itself wiser, stronger, richer, nobler, more honest, enriched by madness and ignorance of its own nature: where and where did it end up, how he was born, what is his purpose, where does it end, what after that.

So, all this was swallowed up by oblivion and ignorance, and a chaos of insensitivity arose, therefore, those who have not repented, we mourn here and in another life. And therefore, he who sees better and who is a little more enlightened should forgive and sympathize with his unanimous and unanimous neighbor brother.

Ah, my child! A person is never completely bad. He has both good and bad. So, remembering his good things, you wish him well, you empathize, your soul hurts and you ask God for him. And it is not he who is to blame for the bad, but our enemy the devil. From the book of Elder Joseph of Athos "Statement of monastic experience", Trinity-Sergius Lavra, 1998.

- Is it possible to understand "complete freedom" in marriage as an opportunity for spouses to have separate extra-family interests, their own companies? How do you generally relate to friends of a husband or wife who have survived from the time of a bachelor's life and have not become friends of the family?

- In family life, it does not mean that the spouses should look at each other, they should look together in the same direction. This is the essence of family life. Common interests, common grace - that's what unites. Therefore, we must learn to sacrifice something for the sake of love, for the sake of the family. If you cannot give up a small thing for the sake of your spouse, for the sake of your children, then this is very disturbing. When a person does not want to change anything in his life and gives complete freedom to himself and others - this is not the way to strengthen the family. These are her games.

Sacrifice does not mean that a person does not have freedom in the family. Obedience is what ensures the preservation of freedom.

- When it seems to a wife that her husband does not love her, that he is not attentive to her, how to make her husband be more attentive?

- Love is sacrifice towards the family. It is possible not to utter words about love, but to live in such a way that it is obvious to everyone how spouses love, take care of each other. And when verbal confirmations are required, this is already a game, an element of envy that we do not like people. But we really are different.

Of course you want attention. The wife is pleased when flowers are brought, but the husband is also pleased when the table is set. It is necessary to please each other with trifles. But we are reluctant to do so. We have already become callous, earning our daily bread, and we don’t think that what makes a family happy is not what you dressed, shod everyone from head to toe ... These little things make a family happy. Not everyone knows how to arrange such small holidays for each other. Here it is necessary to reconcile, understanding that "he is like that with me" or "she is like that with me." Other spouses are attentive, but ours have other virtues. You should always see advantages in each other. And everyone has flaws.

Domestic war happens for sins.

Whence the source of sin, hence the scourge of punishment. David brought a strange lamb into his house, killing its shepherd, and the lamb from his own house began to gore his shepherd; he brought war into another's house, and out of his own house war rose up against him. His son rebelled against David for killing Uriah and taking his wife.

And now many are waging war in their homes: one meets war from his wife, another is besieged by his son, another suffers trouble from his brother, another from a servant - and each is tormented, annoyed, fights, causes war and is struck by war; but no one thinks, reasoning in himself, that if he had not sowed sins, then thorns and thistles would not have grown in his house, if he had not planted sinful sparks, then his house would not have ignited. And that calamities are the fruits of sins, and that God appoints his family as the executors of punishment for the sinner, this is evidenced by Divine Scripture, which is not more reliable. A woman is at war with you, at your entrance she meets you like a wild beast, she sharpens her tongue like a sword? It is sad that a helper has become an adversary; but examine yourself to see if you were plotting something against some woman in your youth, and behold, an insult to a woman is avenged by a woman, and your own wife heals another's wound. Although the acting one does not know this, but the doctor knows - God. And that an evil woman is a scourge for sin, Divine Scripture testifies to this; it says that an evil wife is given to a sinful husband (Sir. 26:3, 9). And that attacks from children are also punishments for sins, David is a witness, persecuted by his son Absalom for lawless intercourse. And that brothers are at enmity against brothers also for sins, the Book of Judges testifies to that. When your brothers attack you, do not complain about them so much as look at yourself and carefully investigate for what sins the brothers have become your enemies.

But what am I talking about domestic calamities, if our very body, which is closest and dearest to us, is sometimes at enmity against us when we sin, taking revenge on us with fevers and other illnesses and sufferings, if the servile body punishes the ruling soul when it sins, not because it wants to, but because it is commanded to do so. About ittestifies Christ, Who said to the healed paralytic: "Behold, thou art healthy: no one sin, let it not be worse for thee" (John 5:14). So, having learned, brethren, that wars are from domestic, relatives and slaves, and bodily diseases are mostly for sins, let us destroy the source of evils - sin.

"Even in the saints of our father John, Archbishop Constantine of the city, Chrysostom's chosen works. Collection of teachings in two volumes", Trinity-Sergius Lavra, 1993.

- What if the husband is cruel?

- In one of the Orthodox books, I read a story that a husband often came home drunk and beat his wife. Beat-beat... And the wife all humbled herself. He ended up beating her so badly that she died. And when they brought her to the cemetery, buried her in the grave, he, standing in front of the cross, realized what he had done. I cried and did not leave this grave for several years. Then he completely changed his life. It turns out that his wife saved him with her humility. With her humility, she pulled him out of the depths of sin and received the crown of martyrdom herself. This, of course, is a very high feat.

It must be understood that, nevertheless, the fire should not be extinguished with gasoline or kerosene. Can't be annoying. And it turns out that the husband flares up, and the wife adds even more fuel to the fire. You need to force yourself to be patient, to put up with it, because evil has one peculiarity: it requires nourishment. A person, when irritated, wants to piss others off, to infect others with his anger. If a bully hits a person, he waits to be hit back. And it starts to fight with good reason. If he said a swear word, he expects the same in return. And if he doesn't, he doesn't know what to do next. We need to learn how to put out this fire. And extinguishes humility, patience. Then, when everything calms down, you can say, but not in irritation. And pray for the softening of evil hearts before the "Seven-shooter" the icon of the Mother of God, saints who are the patrons of family life; if the husband suffers from the vice of drunkenness - to the martyr Boniface, the Mother of God before Her icon "Inexhaustible Chalice".

And, of course, you need to be reasonable when you get married. A person does not become an alcoholic for no reason, does not become cruel. If you see such manifestations and still go down the aisle, you must understand what kind of cross you are taking on. And if you already take it, then endure it, bear it, humble yourself. You've made your choice.

- How to bring an unbelieving spouse into the Church, how to plant the seeds of faith in his heart? And what if he is against his wife praying, going to church, observing fasting?

- When, in the process of family life, one of the spouses becomes a believer, he often changes his life too abruptly and begins to pester everyone in the house, forgetting that he himself has been going to this life for many years. Therefore, you need to give your loved ones some time to go through this path. We should not force, teach, we ourselves should live this pure life, so that those close to us are convinced: with faith I become better - kinder, more patient, more hardworking. It is impossible to force to believe and love. And seeing our life, and relatives will wish to imitate us. This is the only way for a family to convert to faith. And, of course, we need to pray that the Lord will bring our loved ones to faith. Everything should be done with love, with respect, with respect for the freedom of everyone in the family.

- What to do if one of the spouses is wrong and does not intend to admit it, but insists that it be as he wants?

- The wise give in. You can give in for a while to extinguish the conflict. As they say, the morning is wiser than the evening. Evil crumbles from time to time, but good endures, because it is based on eternity.

- Often they are afraid that others will take compliance for weakness.

- It is necessary to yield gracefully. When an adult yields to a child, this is not perceived as weakness. You need to understand that you can give in not out of weakness, but out of wisdom.

- How to get along with the annoying shortcomings of the spouse?

- You need to get along with yourself, fight with your shortcomings. Since someone's shortcomings irritate me, then I need to be treated. Irritability, incontinence - this is my sin. I must repent of this, call on the church sacraments for help. If you carefully monitor your inner state, then you will find the same shortcomings that are so annoying in others in yourself.

- You can generally say what all the problems in the family are from?

- Because of the lack of humility, all problems. We all do not want to humble ourselves: husbands before God, wives before their husbands, children before their parents. As soon as everyone gets in their place, all the problems in the family will begin to disappear.

It also affects the desire to compare their family life with the lives of other families, when envy arises. On the one hand, we understand that God gave us individuality, originality, that we are not alike and our families are not alike, but for some reason we want to live like everyone else. And it is impossible to live like everyone else, because we are all different. God gave someone more well-being, someone less, and you need to come to terms with these circumstances, learn to rejoice in the fact thatThere is. If a person thanks and rejoices in what he has, he is always rich. I saw people who have huge material wealth, with the psychology of beggars. They cry all the time, they miss it all the time. And there are those who can give their last, like the gospel widow who put in two mites, and at the same time live with dignity. Giving thanks for everything is the way to wealth, because wealth is the ability to agree with the circumstances of your life and the ability to live within your means. We sometimes envy and do not even suspect that as soon as a family becomes prosperous, it most often breaks up. They lived in poverty - in peace, in love, suddenly everything changed, the husband is already embarrassed by his wife, changes her, changes his family. There are few people who can adequately pass the test of power and money.

Therefore, the Lord gives to those who can. And when people themselves try to take what they want, it often turns to their detriment.

When I was sick, I was upset with the children that they did not help me. I come to my father and ask: how to be?

When you get tired, then cross yourself and say: "I do it for the sake of Christ," and Christ will help you.

So I started doing it. My grievances disappeared, and there was no fatigue. As soon as I feel that I am annoyed, I ask before father's card

Father, help me, I'm getting irritated again. I come to him, he speaks:

Here you keep writing to me: "I'm annoyed, help me" (but I didn't write). - In my father's hand is the icon of the Mother of God "Burning Bush", he gives it to me and says: "She helps not only from the fire of the house, but also from the fire of the soul. Pray to Her."

I began to pray to the Mother of God in front of this icon. I felt at ease, I stopped getting annoyed.

We had a fight with my daughter. And at that time, my father had one of our children. Sending her home, he gave us the perfume "Rose" and speaks:

N. and G. have a flash there. Wow! - And with his hands showed how. - Let them perfume themselves with these perfumes, and tell G. not to do that again.

After the second outbreak, father sends us rose oil. I seriously drew attention to my temper and began to restrain myself, I didn’t even show an angry look to my daughter, remembering the father’s words: “Humble yourself before the children, because you rule over them.”

My father told me to read the akathist to the Mother of God, but he did not say which one. By lot, I began to read the Akathist to the Mother of God of Akhtyrka, the icon of which I received from him as the first blessing.

And my daughter began to change. After a while she confessed to me:

If you, mother, acted rudely to me, you would lose me forever.

Seeing how they suffer from the sin of irritability, anger, the father said: “Some people have such anger, such irritability, as the waves beat, rise, make noise on the sea. But if we are scolded, it’s not so scary, if only we didn’t "were not angry ourselves. Imagine how hard it is for an angry person, because he has hell in his soul. You need to pity him, pray for him."

My husband and I lived together, but there was no peace and quiet in the house. I did not yield to my husband, and he, in turn, proved his case, and so it went on for a long time.

Finally, I got tired of all this, and I decided to behave differently. My husband will say an offensive word to me, I feel that I am starting to get annoyed - I take the Psalter and start reading. The husband makes a little noise, then shuts up. And so, little by little, peace and tranquility settled in our house.

I came to the temple, my father was passing by, he stopped beside me and said: “I wish it were like this long ago!”.

Father Savva advised: “If you have hostility towards someone, try to break, defeat yourself. Pray like this: “Save, Lord, Thy servant (name), and with his holy prayers have mercy on me, a sinner, and die my heart.” Force yourself show attention to an unloved person, try to serve him. And the Lord, seeing your good intention, will tear hostility out of your heart and fill it with holy love. Prayers and deeds of a person are in vain if he harbors malice in his heart against his neighbor. The Lord does not forgive such sins on confession". And he also said: “When you feel that anger has taken possession of you, say to yourself: “Lord, have mercy,” and then five times, inhale: “Lord,” exhale: “have mercy.” And the anger will pass, peace and silence will come .

From the book "Biography of the Elder Schemagumen Savva. With love in the Lord, your D.O.S.", M., 1998.

- If family relationships were built incorrectly for a long time, but one of the spouses or both of them saw the light, they saw that everyone in the family turned upside down, how to change the usual, already established way of life? Where to begin?

- Need to pray. And the Lord will arrange. When you begin to humble yourself before the providential will of God, Who sometimes allows trials in order to save a person's soul, this is the beginning of salvation.

In this article you will find advice from the Optina Elders for Christians living in the world. For convenience, we have structured them point by point.

• Try to pay more attention to yourself, and not to sort out the deeds, actions and appeals of others to you, but if you do not see love in them, then this is because you yourself do not have love.
• Where there is humility, there is simplicity, and this branch of God does not test the judgments of God.
• God does not despise prayers, but sometimes he does not fulfill their desires solely in order to arrange everything better according to His Divine intention. What would happen if God - the All-Knowing - completely fulfilled our desires? I think, although I do not claim, that all earthlings perished.
• Those who live without regard for themselves will never receive a visit from grace.
• When you do not have peace, know that you do not have humility in yourself. This the Lord revealed in the following words, which at the same time show where to seek peace. He said: Learn from Me, for he is meek and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls (Matthew 11:29).

• If you ever do some kind of pardon to anyone, you will be pardoned for that.
• If you suffer with someone who is suffering (this seems to be a small thing), you will be counted as a martyr.
• If you forgive the offender, and for this not only all your sins will be forgiven, but you become the daughter of the Heavenly Father.
• If you pray from your heart for salvation, even if it is not enough, you will be saved.
• If you reproach yourself, accuse and condemn yourself before God for the sins felt by your conscience, and for that you will be justified.
• If you confess your sins before God, for this you will receive forgiveness and recompense.
• If you grieve over your sins, or if you are touched, or you shed a tear, or sigh, your sigh will not be hidden from Him: “For it is not hidden from Him,” says St. Simeon, - a teardrop, below the drop is a certain part. And St. Chrysostom says: "If you complain about sins, then He will accept the guilt of your salvation."
• Believe yourself every day: what have you sown at the expense of the future century, wheat or thorns? Having tested yourself, dispose yourself to correct the best the next day and spend your whole life in this way. If the present day was badly spent, so that you didn’t offer a decent prayer to God, didn’t break your heart even once, didn’t humble yourself in thought, didn’t do alms or alms to anyone, didn’t forgive the guilty, didn’t endure insults, on the contrary, didn’t refrain from anger, did not refrain from words, food, drink, or immersed his mind in impure thoughts, having considered all this according to conscience, judge yourself and rely on the next day to be more attentive to good and more careful to evil.

• To your question, what does a happy life consist of, whether in splendor, glory and wealth, or in a quiet, peaceful, family life, I will say that I agree with the latter, and I will add: a life passed with an unreproachable conscience and with humility delivers world. peace and true happiness. And wealth, honor, fame and high dignity are often the cause of many sins, and this happiness is unreliable.
• People for the most part desire and seek prosperity in this life, but they try to avoid sorrows. And it seems that this is very good and pleasant, but the everlasting prosperity and happiness harms a person. He falls into various passions and sins and angers the Lord, and those who go through a sorrowful life draw closer to the Lord and more conveniently receive salvation, therefore the Lord called a joyful life a broad path: the wide gate and the broad way lead into destruction, and many are those who walk in it.(Matt. 7:13), but called the mournful life: the narrow way and the strait gate lead into the eternal life, and they are few who find it(Matthew 7:14). And so, out of His love for us, the Lord, foreseeing the possible benefit to those who are worthy of it, leads many from the broad path, and sets them on the narrow and sorrowful path, so that through the patience of illnesses and sorrows arrange their salvation and give eternal life.
• ... You want not only to be good and have nothing bad, but also to see yourself as such. Desire is commendable, and to see one's good qualities is already food for self-love. Yes, even if we did all the behavior - everyone should consider themselves non-key slaves, and we, even being faulty in everything, do not think of ourselves as such, and therefore we are embarrassed, instead of resigning ourselves. That is why God does not give us strength for fulfillment, so that we do not ascend, but humble ourselves and acquire a pledge of humility. And when we have it, then the virtues will be strong with us, and it will not allow us to ascend.
• We, the foolish ones, thinking to arrange our condition, grieve, fuss, deprive ourselves of peace, fulfill the abandonment of the duty of faith behind the vanity, in order to leave the children a good estate. But do we know whether it will serve them well? Do we not see children left with wealth, but wealth is not to help a stupid son - and it only served them as an excuse for bad morality. It is necessary to take care to leave children a good example of their lives and educate them in the fear of God and in His commandments, this is their main wealth. When will we look for Kingdom of God and His righteousness, then the cue here and everything we need will be added(Matthew 6:33). You say: you can't do it; today the world requires not this, but something else! Fine; but did you bear children for the light only, and not for the life to come? Comfort yourself with the word of God: if the world hates you, tell me that I hated you before(John 15, 18), and carnal wisdom is enmity against God: it does not obey the law of God, for it can(Rom. 8:7). Do not want to be your children from the glorious world, but that there be kind people, obedient children, and when God arranges, good spouses, tender parents, caring for those under their control, loving to everyone and condescending to enemies.
• …You have a desire to draw yourself closer to God and receive salvation. This is the whole duty of every Christian, but this is accomplished through the fulfillment of the commandments of God, which all consist in love for God and neighbor and extend to the love of enemies. Read the Gospel, there you will find the path, truth and life, preserve the Orthodox faith and the statutes of the Holy Church, learn from the writings of church pastors and teachers and think about your life according to their teachings. But the rules of prayer alone cannot be of any use to us... I advise you to try as much as possible to pay your attention to deeds of love for your neighbors: in relation to your mother, wife and children, take care of their upbringing in the Orthodox faith and good morals towards people subordinate to you and towards all near. St. Apostle Paul, counting the different types of virtues and feats of self-sacrifice, says: “if I do this and this, I do not imam love, there is no use for me.”

• Many painters depict Christ on icons, but few catch the resemblance. Thus, Christians are animated images of Christ, and whoever is meek, humble in heart and obedient among them is most like Christ.
• Murmuring against God must be avoided and feared like death, for the Lord is God. by His great mercy. He patiently endures all our sins, but His mercy cannot endure our grumbling.
• Do not impose any vows and rules on yourself without the approval of your spiritual father, with whose advice one bow will bring you more benefit than a thousand self-made bows.
• The Pharisee prayed and fasted more than ours, but without humility all his work was nothing, and therefore be jealous of the most publican humility, which is usually born from obedience, and dominates you.
• In every grief: in illness, and in poverty, and in cramped quarters, and in bewilderment, and in all troubles - it is better to think less and talk to yourself, and more often with a prayer, albeit a short one, turn to Christ God and His Most Pure Mother through which the spirit of bitter despondency will also flee, and the heart will be filled with hope in God and joy.
• Meekness and humility of heart are such virtues, without which it is impossible not only to explore the Kingdom of Heaven, but neither to be happy on earth, nor to feel peace of mind in oneself.
• Let us learn to mentally reproach and condemn ourselves for everything, and not others, for the more humble, the more profitable; God loves the humble and pours out His grace on them.
• No matter what grief befalls you, no matter what trouble happens to you, you say: “I will endure this for Jesus Christ!”. Just say it and you'll feel better. For the name of Jesus Christ is powerful. With him, all troubles subside, demons disappear. Your annoyance subsides, and your cowardice will also calm down when you repeat His sweetest name. Lord, let me see my sins; Lord, give me patience, generosity and meekness.

• Do not be ashamed to expose your scabs to your spiritual mentor and be ready to accept from him for your sins and disgrace, so that through him you will avoid eternal shame ..
• The Church is for us the earthly heaven, where God Himself is invisibly present and overseeing those who are coming, therefore, in the church one should stand decorously, with great reverence. Let us love the Church and be zealous towards her; she is our joy and consolation in sorrows and joys.
• To encourage the mourners, the elder often said: If the Lord is after us, who is after us?(Rom. 8:31).
• Every deed must begin with an invocation of the name of God to help.
• The elder often spoke about guarding one's conscience, about carefully observing one's thoughts, actions, and words, and about repentance for them.
• He taught the infirmities and shortcomings of his subordinates to carry complacently. “Make comments,” the elder instructed, “not giving food to your own pride, wondering if you yourself could bear what you demand from another.”
• If you feel that anger has seized you. keep silent and do not say anything until your heart is calmed by unceasing prayer and self-reproach.
• It is more beneficial for the soul to recognize itself as guilty in everything and the last of all, than to resort to self-justification, which comes from pride, and God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.
• Often the elder quoted the saying of the apostle: “True love is not irritated, does not think evil, never falls away.”

• If we leave our desires and understandings and strive to fulfill the desires and understandings of God, then in every place and in every condition we will be saved. And if we stick to our desires and understandings, then no place, no state will help us. Eve even in Paradise transgressed the commandment of God, but Judas the ill-fated life with the Savior Himself did not bring any benefit. Everywhere patience and compulsion to a pious life is needed, as we read in the Holy Gospel.
• ... It will be in vain to accuse that those who live with us and those around us hinder and impede our salvation or spiritual perfection ... our spiritual and spiritual unsatisfactoriness comes from ourselves, from our lack of art and from an incorrectly formed opinion, which we do not want to part with. And it is this that brings on us both confusion, and doubt, and various bewilderment; and all this torments and burdens us, and leads us to a desolate state. It would be good if we could understand a simple patristic word: if we humble ourselves, then we will find peace in every place, without going around with our minds many other places where the same thing can happen to us, if not worse.
• The main means to salvation is the enduring of various tribulations, which are suitable for whom, according to what is said in the “Acts of the Apostles”: “Through many tribulations it is fitting for us to enter into the Kingdom of Heaven”…
• Those who want to be saved must remember and not forget the apostolic commandment: “bear one another’s burdens, and thus fulfill the Law of Christ.” There are many other commandments, but not a single one has such an addition, that is, “thus fulfill the Law of Christ.” This commandment is of great importance, and we must take care of its fulfillment before others.
• …Many wish for a good spiritual life in the simplest form, but only few and rare actually fulfill their good wish - namely, those who firmly adhere to the words of the Holy Scriptures, which “through many sorrows it is fitting for us to enter the Kingdom of Heaven”, help of God, they try to meekly endure the sorrows and illnesses that befall them and various inconveniences, always keeping in mind the words of the Lord Himself: “if you wish to go into the stomach, keep the commandments.”
• And the main commandments of the Lord: “Do not judge, and they will not judge you; do not condemn, lest you condemn; let go and it will be released to you.” In addition, those who wish to be saved should always keep in mind the words of St. Peter of Damascus, that creation takes place between fear and hope.
• The cause of our salvation requires in every place, wherever a person lives, the fulfillment of the commandments of God and obedience to the will of God. This only acquires the peace of the soul, and nothing else, as it is said in the psalms: "Peace to many who love Your law, and there is no temptation for them." And you are still looking for inner peace and peace of mind from external circumstances. Everything seems to you that you live in the wrong place, that you have settled with the wrong people, that you yourself did not order it that way and that others seemed to act in the wrong way. The Holy Scripture says: “His dominion is in every place,” that is, God’s, and that the salvation of one Christian soul is dearer to God than all the things of the whole world.
• The Lord is ready to help a person in acquiring humility, as in all good things, but it is necessary that the person himself take care of himself. Said by St. Fathers: "give blood and receive spirit." This means - work hard until the shedding of blood and you will receive a spiritual gift. And you seek and ask for spiritual gifts, but it is a pity for you to shed blood, that is, you want everything, so that no one touches you, does not disturb you. Yes, with a calm life, is it possible to acquire humility? After all, humility consists in when a person sees himself as the worst of all, not only people, but also dumb animals and even the spirits of evil themselves. And so, when people disturb you, you see that you do not tolerate this and are angry with people, then you will inevitably consider yourself bad ... If at the same time you regret your badness and reproach yourself for the malfunction, and sincerely repent of this before God and the spiritual father, then you are already on the path of humility ... And if no one touched you, and you would remain at peace, how could you be aware of your thinness? How could you see your vices?.. If they try to humiliate you, it means they want to humble you; and you yourself ask God for humility. Why then mourn for people?
• To the question: “How to listen to yourself, where to start?”, the following answer followed: “You must first write down: how you go to church, how you stand, how you look, how proud you are, how conceited, how angry and so on.”
• Whoever has a bad heart should not despair, because with God's help a person can correct his heart. You just need to carefully monitor yourself and not miss the opportunity to be useful to your neighbor, often open up to the elder and do all possible alms. This, of course, cannot be done suddenly, but the Lord endures for a long time. He only ends the life of a person when he sees him ready for the transition to eternity, or when he sees no hope for his correction.
• Teaching that even unimportant circumstances should not be neglected in the spiritual life, the elder sometimes said: “Moscow burned down from a penny candle.”
• Regarding the condemnation and remarking of other people's sins and shortcomings, the priest said: “You need to pay attention to your inner life so that you do not notice what is happening around you. Then you won't judge."
• Pointing out that a person has nothing to be proud of, the elder added: “And what is a person really to be proud of here? Ragged, plucked, asks for alms: have mercy, have mercy! And whether mercy will be given, who knows.”
• When pride strikes, say to yourself: "The eccentric walks."
• The priest was asked: “Such and such does not die for a long time, she always imagines cats and so on. Why is that?" Answer: “Every, even a small sin, must be written down, as you remember, and then repent. That’s why some don’t die for a long time, which delays some unrepentant sin, but as soon as they repent, they are relieved ... By all means, you need to write down sins, as you remember, otherwise we postpone: sometimes the sin is small, then it’s embarrassing to say or later I’ll say, but we come to repent and there’s nothing say".
• Three rings cling to each other: hatred from anger, anger from pride.
• "Why do people sin?" - the elder sometimes asked a question and answered it himself: “Or because they don’t know what to do and what to avoid; or, if they know, they forget; if they do not forget, then they are lazy, discouraged ... These are the three giants - despondency or laziness, oblivion and ignorance - from which the whole human race is bound by insoluble bonds. And then negligence follows with all the host of evil passions. That is why we pray to the Queen of Heaven: “My Most Holy Lady, the Theotokos, with Thy holy and all-powerful prayers, forgive me, Thy humble and cursed servant, despondency, forgetfulness, foolishness, carelessness and all the filthy, crafty and blasphemous thoughts.”
• Don't be like a pesky fly that sometimes flies around uselessly, and sometimes bites, and bothers both; but be like the wise bee that diligently began its work in the spring and finished honeycombs by autumn, which are as good as correctly set notes. One is sweet and the other is pleasant.
• When they wrote to the elder that it was hard in the world, he replied: “That is why it (the earth) is called the vale of weeping; but some people are crying, while others are jumping, but the last will not be good.”
• To the question: “What does it mean to live according to one’s heart?”, the priest answered: “Do not interfere in other people’s affairs and see everything good in others.”
• Batiushka said: “We must live on earth as a wheel turns, with only one point touching the earth, and with the rest it constantly strives upwards; and we, as soon as we lie down on the ground, cannot get up.”
• To the question: “How to live?”, the priest answered: “To live is not to grieve, not to condemn anyone, not to annoy anyone, and all my respect.”
• We must live without hypocrisy and behave exemplarily, then our cause will be right, otherwise it will turn out badly.
• One must force oneself, though against one's will, to do some good to one's enemies; and most importantly - do not take revenge on them and be careful not to somehow offend them with a look of contempt and humiliation.
• So that people do not remain careless and do not place their hopes on outside prayer help, the elder repeated the usual folk saying: “God help me, and the peasant himself does not lie down.” And he added: “Remember, the twelve apostles asked the Savior for a Canaanite wife, but He did not hear them; but she herself began to ask, begged.
• Batiushka taught that salvation has three degrees. Said by St. John Chrysostom:

a) do not sin
b) having sinned. repent,
c) whoever repents badly, endure the tribulations that find him.

• Somehow they started talking about sorrows, and one of them says: “Better illness than sorrow.” The father replied: “No. in sorrow you will pray to God and they will depart, but you will not fight off the disease with a stick.
• When the blues come, do not forget to reproach yourself: remember how much you are guilty before the Lord and before yourself, and realize that you are not worthy of anything better, and you will immediately feel relieved. It is said: "many sorrows for the righteous", and "many wounds for sinners". Such is our life here - all sorrows and sorrows; and it is through them that the Kingdom of Heaven is attained. When you are restless, repeat more often: "Seek peace and marry and."
• After communion, one must ask the Lord to keep the gift worthy and that the Lord give help not to return back, that is, the former sins.
• When the priest was asked: “Why, after communion, do you sometimes feel consolation, and sometimes coldness?”, He answered: “He who seeks consolation from communion, and who considers himself unworthy, grace remains with him.”
• Humility consists in yielding to others and considering yourself the worst of all. It will be much quieter.
• “It’s always better to give in,” the priest said, “if you insist fairly, it’s the same as a ruble of banknotes, and if you give in, a ruble in silver.”
• To the question “How to acquire the fear of God?”, the priest answered: “You must always have God before you. I will take out the foreknowledge of the Lord before me.”
• When you are annoyed, never ask: "why" and "why". This is not found anywhere in Scripture. It says on the contrary: “They will hit you on your right cheek, turn your left as well,” and this is what it means: if they beat you for the truth, then do not grumble and turn your left, that is, remember your wrong deeds and you will see that you are worthy of punishment. At the same time, the father added: “Be patient with the Lord, and listen to me.”
• “Father! teach me patience." one sister said. “Learn,” the elder replied, “and start with patience when you find and encounter troubles.” “I can’t understand how one can not be indignant at insults and injustices.” The answer of the elder: "Be fair yourself and do not offend anyone."
• Batiushka used to say: “Moses endured, Elisha endured, Elijah endured, I will also endure.”
• The elder often cited the proverb: “If you run away from the wolf, you will attack the bear.” There is only one thing left - to be patient and wait, paying attention to yourself and not judging others, and praying to the Lord and the Queen of Heaven, that he will arrange useful things for you, as they please.

WITH advice of the Monk Anatoly (Zertsalov)

• It is evident that you are trying and wishing to be saved, but you do not know how, you do not understand the spiritual life. Here the whole secret is to endure what God sends. And you will not see how you enter paradise.
• Consider yourself the worst of all, and you will be the best of all.
• ... Your patience should not be reckless, that is, joyless, but patience with reason - that the Lord sees in all your deeds, in your very soul, as we see in the face of a loved one ... He sees and tests: what will you be like in sorrows? If you endure, you will be His beloved. And if you do not endure and complain, but repent, you will still be His beloved.
• Any prayer to God is profitable. And what exactly - we do not know about it. He is the One righteous Judge, and we can recognize lies as truth. Pray and believe.
• ... I'm telling you a secret, I'm telling you the best way to find humility. This is what: every pain that pricks a proud heart, endure. And wait day and night for mercy from the All-Merciful Savior. Whoever waits so, will certainly receive it.
• Learn to be meek and silent, and you will be loved by all. And open feelings are the same as open gates: both a dog and a cat run there... and they shit.
• We are obliged to love everyone, but to be loved, we dare not demand.

• Sorrow is our path, we will go until we reach the fatherland of eternity assigned to us, but only grief that we care little about eternity and do not tolerate even a small reproach in a word. We ourselves increase our sorrows when we begin to grumble.
• Whoever conquered the passions and acquired spiritual reason, without external formation, has access to everyone's heart.
• An imposed rule is always difficult, and doing with humility is even more difficult.
• What is acquired with labor is useful.
• If you see the error of your neighbor, which: you would like to correct, if it violates your peace of mind and irritates you, then you also sin and, therefore, you will not correct the error with error - it is corrected with meekness.
• The human conscience is like an alarm clock. If the alarm clock rang, and knowing that you need to go to obedience, you get up right away, then you will always hear it later, and if you don’t immediately get up for several days in a row, saying: “I’ll lie down a little more,” then in the end you wake up from his ringing you will not.
• What is easy for the body is not good for the soul, and what is good for the soul is hard for the body.
• You ask: “How to do to consider yourself as nothing?” Thoughts of arrogance come, and it is impossible that they do not come. But one must oppose them with thoughts of humility. As you do, remembering your sins and various shortcomings. So continue to act and always remember that our entire earthly life should be spent in the fight against evil. In addition to considering your shortcomings, you can also humbly philosophize: “I don’t have anything good ... My body is not mine, it was created by God in the mother’s womb. My soul was given to me by the Lord. Therefore, all spiritual and bodily abilities are gifts of God. And my property is only my innumerable sins, with which I daily angered and anger the Merciful Lord. Why then should I be conceited and proud? Nothing.” And with such reflections, prayerfully ask for mercy from the Lord. In all sinful encroachments, there is only one cure - sincere repentance and humility.
• There are many who weep, but not about what is needed, many who mourn, but not about sins, there are many who are humble, as it were, but not truly. The example of the Lord Jesus Christ shows us with what meekness and patience we must endure human errors.

• There are different paths to salvation. The Lord saves some in the monastery, others in the world. Saint Nicholas of Myra went into the wilderness to labor there in fasting and prayer, but the Lord commanded him to go into the world. “This is not a field where you will bear fruit for Me,” said the Savior. Saints Taisia, Mary of Egypt, Eudoxia also did not live in monasteries. You can be saved everywhere, just don't leave the Savior. Cling to the robe of Christ and Christ will not leave you.
• A sure sign of the mortification of the soul is the avoidance of church services. A person who grows cold towards God, first of all, begins to avoid going to church, at first he tries to come to the service later, and then completely stops attending the temple of God.
• Those who seek Christ find Him, according to the true gospel word: “Knock and it will be opened to you, seek and you will find”, “There are many abodes in the house of My Father”.
• And note that here the Lord speaks not only of the heavenly, but also of the earthly abodes, and not only of the internal, but also of the external.
• The Lord puts each soul in such a position, surrounds it with such an environment that is most conducive to its success. This is the outer abode, but the peace and joy fills the soul - the inner abode, which the Lord prepares for those who love and seek Him.
• Don't read godless books, stay faithful to Christ. If asked about faith, answer boldly. “Do you seem to frequent the church?” “Yes, because I find satisfaction in it.” - “Do you want to become a saint?” - "Everyone wants this, but it does not depend on us, but on the Lord." This way you will repel the enemy.
• It is impossible to learn to fulfill the commandments of God without labor, and this labor is three-part - prayer, fasting and sobriety.
• I have to hear complaints that we are now going through difficult times, that now complete freedom has been given to all heretical and godless teachings, that the Church is being attacked by enemies from all sides and it becomes terrible for her that these muddy waves of unbelief and heresies will overcome her. I always answer: “Don't worry! Don't be afraid for the Church! She will not perish: the gates of hell will not overcome her until the Last Judgment. Do not be afraid for her, but you must be afraid for yourself, and it is true that our time is very difficult. From what? Yes, because now it is especially easy to fall away from Christ, and then - death.
• Something gloomy, terrible is coming into the world... A person remains, as it were, defenseless, so this evil force has taken possession of him, and he does not realize what he is doing... Even suicide is suggested... Why is this happening? Because they do not take up arms - they do not carry the name of Jesus and the sign of the cross.
• Life is bliss... Life will become bliss for us when we learn to fulfill the commandments of Christ and love Christ. Then it will be joyful to live, joyfully endure the sorrows that find, and ahead of us the Sun of Truth, the Lord, will shine with indescribable light ... All the Gospel commandments begin with the words: Blessed - blessed are the meek, blessed are the merciful, blessed are the peacemakers ... From this it follows, as a truth, that the fulfillment of the commandments brings people the highest happiness.
• Our whole life is a great mystery of God. All the circumstances of life, no matter how insignificant they may seem, are of great importance. The meaning of this life we ​​will fully understand in the next century. How cautiously one should treat it, and we leaf through our life like a book - sheet by sheet, not realizing what is written there. There is no chance in life, everything is created by the will of the Creator.
• In order to become like God, one must fulfill His holy commandments, and if we examine it, it turns out that we have not truly fulfilled any of them. Let's go through them all, and it turns out that we barely touched that commandment, maybe we just started to fulfill the other one, but, for example, we did not start the commandment about love for enemies. What is left for us sinners to do? How to be saved? The only way is through humility. “Lord, in everything I am a sinner, I have nothing good, I only hope for Your boundless mercy.” We are bankrupt before the Lord, but for humility He will not reject us. Indeed, it is better, having sins, to consider yourself great sinners than, having some good deeds, to be puffed up by them, considering yourself righteous. The Gospel depicts two such examples in the person of the Pharisee and the publican.
• We are living in a terrible time. People who confess Jesus Christ and visit the temple of God are subjected to ridicule and condemnation. These ridicule will turn into open persecution, and do not think that this will happen in a thousand years, no, it will come soon. I won't live to see it, and some of you will see it. And torture and torment will begin again, but it is good for those who remain faithful to Christ God.

• God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble, and the grace of God is everything ... There you have the greatest wisdom. Here you humble yourself and say to yourself: “Although I am a grain of earth, the Lord cares about me, and may the will of God be done to me.” Now, if you say this not only with your mind, but also with your heart, and really boldly, as befits a true Christian, rely on the Lord, with the firm intention of meekly obeying the will of God, whatever it may be, then the clouds will disperse before you, and the sun will come out and will illuminate and warm you, and you will know true joy from the Lord, and everything will seem clear and transparent to you, and you will stop suffering, and it will become easy on your soul.
• Here you are asking the fastest way to humility. Of course, first of all, one should recognize oneself as a weakest worm, unable to do anything good without the gift of the Holy Spirit from our Lord Jesus Christ, given by the prayer of ours and our neighbors and by His mercy ...
• They say the temple is boring. Boring because they do not understand the service! Need to study! Boring because they don't care about him. Here he seems not his own, but a stranger. At least they brought flowers or greenery for decoration, they would take part in the chores of decorating the temple - it would not be boring.
• Live simply, according to your conscience, always remember what the Lord sees, and pay no attention to the rest!

Prophecy about the fate of Russia

There will be a storm, and the Russian ship will be broken. Yes, it will be, but after all, people are saved on chips and debris. Not all, not all will perish... God will not leave those who trust in Him. We must pray, we must all repent and pray fervently... And there will be (after the storm) calm... there will be a great miracle of God, yes. And all the chips and fragments, by the will of God and His power, will gather and unite, and the ship will be recreated in its beauty and go on its course, intended by God. So it will be, a miracle revealed to all.

• The position of Job is a law for every person. While rich, noble, in prosperity. God doesn't respond. When a person is in a dungeon, rejected by everyone, then God appears and Himself talks with a person, and a person only listens and cries out: “Lord, have mercy!”. Only the measure of humiliation is different.
• Most importantly, beware of judging loved ones. Whenever condemnation comes to mind, immediately turn with attention: “Lord, grant me to see my sins and not condemn my brother.”
• He spoke about the high gradualness of the spiritual path, about the fact that “coercion is needed for everything. Now, if dinner is served, and you want to eat and you smell a delicious smell, after all, the spoon itself will not bring you food. You need to force yourself to get up, come up, take a spoon and then eat. And no deed is done all at once - waiting and patience are required everywhere.”
• Life is given to a person so that it serves him, not he, that is, a person should not become a slave to his circumstances, should not sacrifice his inner to the outer. In serving life, a person loses proportion, works without prudence and comes to a very sad bewilderment; he does not know why he lives. This is a very harmful bewilderment and often happens: a person, like a horse, is lucky and lucky, and suddenly such ... spontaneous punctuation finds on him.
• He asks which way to go to God. Walk the path of humility! The humble bearing of the difficult circumstances of life, the humble patience of the diseases sent by the Lord; the humble hope that you will not be abandoned by the Lord, the Quick Helper and loving Heavenly Father; humble prayer for help from above, for driving away despondency and a sense of hopelessness, with which the enemy of salvation tries to lead to despair, disastrous for a person, depriving him of grace and removing God's mercy from him.
• The meaning of the Christian life, according to the words of the holy Apostle Paul, who wrote to the Corinthians: "... glorify God both in your bodies and in your souls, which are God's." So, having inscribed these holy words in the souls and hearts, one should take care that the disposition and actions in life serve the glory of God and the edification of others.

• Let the prayer rule be better small, but performed constantly and carefully ...
• Let us take as an example a saint suitable to our position, and let us rely on his example. All the saints suffered because they followed the path of the Savior who suffered: he was persecuted, reviled, slandered and crucified. And all who follow Him inevitably suffer. "In the world you will mourn." And all who wish to live piously will be persecuted. “If you begin to work for the Lord, prepare your soul for temptation.” In order to endure suffering more easily, one must have strong faith, ardent love for the Lord, not be attached to anything earthly, completely surrender to the will of God.
• The blasphemers must be looked upon as sick, from whom we demand that they do not cough or spit...
• If it is not possible to fulfill the vow of obedience, there is no one to obey, one must be ready to do everything according to the will of God. There are two kinds of obedience: external and internal.
• With external obedience, complete obedience is required, the execution of every deed without reasoning. Inner obedience refers to the inner, spiritual life and requires the guidance of a spiritual father. But the advice of a spiritual father should be verified by the Holy Scriptures... True obedience, which brings great benefit to the soul, is when for obedience you do what is not in accordance with your desire, in defiance of yourself. Then the Lord Himself takes you into His arms...
• The Lord created doctors and medicine. Treatment cannot be denied.
• With weakness of strength and fatigue, you can sit in church: “Son, give Me your heart.” “It is better to think about God while sitting than standing on your feet,” said St. Philaret of Moscow.
• You don't have to give in to your feelings. We must force ourselves to treat kindly even with those who do not like us.
• You should not believe in omens. There are no clues. The Lord controls us by His Providence, and I do not depend on any bird or day or anything else. Those who believe in prejudices have a heavy heart, and those who consider themselves dependent on the Providence of God, on the contrary, have joyful hearts.
• The "Jesus Prayer" will replace the sign of the cross, if for some reason it will not be possible to lay it.
• You can't work on public holidays unless absolutely necessary. The holiday should be treasured and honored. This day should be dedicated to God: to be in the temple, pray at home and read the Holy Scriptures and the works of St. fathers, do good deeds.
• We must love every person, seeing in him the image of God, despite his vices. You can't keep people away from you with coldness.
• What is better: rarely or often to partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ? - hard to say. Zacchaeus gladly accepted into his house the dear Guest - the Lord, and did well. And the centurion, out of humility, realizing his lack of dignity, did not dare to accept, and also did well. Their actions, although opposite, are the same in motivation. And they appeared before the Lord equally worthy. The point is to worthily prepare yourself for the great Sacrament.
• When they asked the Monk Seraphim why there are no such ascetics at the present time as there were before, he answered: “Because there is no determination to go through great feats, but the grace is the same; Christ is the same forever.”
• Persecution and oppression are good for us, for they strengthen faith.
• We must consider everything bad, as well as the passions that fight us, not our own, but from the enemy - the devil. It is very important. Only then can passion be conquered when you do not consider it your own ...
• If you want to get rid of sadness, do not attach your heart to anything or anyone. Sadness comes from attachment to visible things.
• There has never been, is not and never will be a carefree place on earth. A carefree place can only be in the heart when the Lord is in it.
• In sorrows and temptations the Lord helps us. He does not free us from them, but gives us the strength to endure them easily, not even noticing them.
• Silence prepares the soul for prayer. Silence, how it has a beneficial effect on the soul!
• We Orthodox should not support heresy. Even if we had to suffer, we would not betray Orthodoxy.
• Human truth should not be pursued. Seek only the truth of God.
• The spiritual father, like a pillar, only points the way, but you have to go yourself. If the spiritual father will point, and his disciple himself will not move, then he will not go anywhere, but will rot near this pillar.
• When the priest, blessing, says the prayer: “In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit,” then a mystery is performed: the grace of the Holy Spirit descends on the person being blessed. And when a person utters a renunciation of God even with his lips, grace departs from him, all his concepts change, he becomes completely different.
• Before you ask the Lord for forgiveness, you must forgive yourself ... So it is said in the "Lord's Prayer".
• Silence is good for the soul. When we talk, then it's hard to hold back. from idle talk and condemnation. But there is bad silence, this is when someone gets angry and therefore is silent.
• Always remember the law of spiritual life: if you are embarrassed by some shortcoming of another person and condemn him, later on you will suffer the same fate, and you will suffer from the same shortcoming.
• Do not attach your heart to the vanity of the world. Especially during prayer, leave all thoughts about worldly things. After prayer, home or church, in order to maintain a prayerful tender mood, silence is necessary. Sometimes even a simple, insignificant word can break and frighten away tenderness from our soul.
• Self-justification closes spiritual eyes, and then a person sees something other than what it really is.
• If you say something bad about a brother or sister, even if it is true, then you will inflict an incurable wound on your soul. It is possible to convey about the errors of another only if in your heart the only intention is the benefit of the soul of the sinner.
• Patience is uninterrupted complacency.
• Your salvation and your destruction is in your neighbor. Your salvation depends on how you treat your neighbor. Do not forget to see the image of God in your neighbor.
• Every deed, no matter how insignificant it may seem to you, do it carefully, as before the face of God. Remember that the Lord sees everything.

Archimandrite Andrew Konanos is a Greek priest originally from Germany. He travels a lot around the world, preaches in different countries, broadcasts on Greek radio.

The book contains 14 conversations in the format of direct speech. The conversations are not united by some common theme, but are read in one breath.

How many days can you get grace

Andrew Konanos tells many stories that happened to him or his parishioners. Once he was on a pilgrimage to an Orthodox monastery in America. Local monks constantly recited the Jesus Prayer. He read it all day, at work, at meals. Andrei himself was also imbued and began to read a prayer. Constantly, all five days that I was in the monastery.

In the end, such grace seized him that he stopped noticing everything worldly around him. Andrei thought he had finally found God.

It's time to return home. Andrei Konanos stood in line for the plane. And suddenly one of his fellow travelers lost his ticket somewhere: “Father, I can’t find a ticket!”, “How is it? What are you saying? What do you propose to do now? All the grace of the Jesus Prayer was instantly replaced by irritation: “Look how many people behind are waiting for their turn! Where is your ticket? Where did you take him?"

Fortunately, later the ticket was found and the pilgrims took off on their own flight. Sitting on the plane, Andrei Konanos reproached himself: “Well, why did I get annoyed? God arranged everything. Why did I lose grace?

So we should not delude ourselves. Grace must be sought throughout life.

Why God Allows Suffering

You can see this point of view: God Allows Suffering as Punishment for Sins. Maybe you are right. Archimandrite Andrei honestly admits that he does not know the answer.

During the terrible events in Hawaii, when thousands of people died because of the earthquake, Archimandrite Andrei arrived on the island to provide support to people. Many of their relatives died. All of them turned to Andrey with the question “For what? Why us? The priest replied that he did not know why the Lord allowed this. Because at the moment, now, he cannot realize the whole Divine Providence.

He talked about a boy who plays ball. When it got dark, the father took the ball away and called his son home. The son began to cry and asked to return the toy to him. But the father knows better what is best for the son, even if the son does not understand this yet.

Someday, Andrei says, perhaps we will understand why the Lord allowed this or that. With time. Not now.

What will be will be

Why worry and worry about tomorrow if every day brings us closer to God? Why persevere if everything will be as the Lord wills?

Once, in the evening, Andrei Konanos wanted to buy one book. He went to the first store, but she was not there. Soon the stores will close, we need to hurry to another, he thought. But in the second it was not. We need to hurry to the third! But even there the book was not for sale.

Stop! What use is a book to me right now? Will I read it at night? No. Well, I'll keep looking tomorrow.

This is how you should approach all worldly affairs. Get it - good. No - so no. Everything is the will of God.

But you always need to think with your head. If you need to hurry, you need to hurry.

Leave your neighbor alone

One monk carried obedience by doing nothing. While the other monks were working, he helped them by not interfering. While others taught people, he was silent. For such an "occupation" he spent several years.

And now pilgrims are coming to this monk, asking him to confess. Give advice. Why? He doesn't do anything. But because just such humility is not in people. They are drawn to it because they want something they don't have.

And the other constantly tells everyone how to do right, how wrong. He imposes his point of view. But people do not need this, they have nothing to take from a person who is trying to subordinate those around him to his will.

We cannot force people to live the way we want. Just as we cannot force a person to truly love us.

Spirituality is not talking about God

To be a spiritual person means not to talk about God, but to say things that will move people to be interested in God themselves.

One day, pilgrims, among whom there were many children, gathered to confess to a famous Athos elder. This elder is very wise, he will tell you a lot of soulful things! adults said to children.

When the pilgrims met with the elder, the first thing he asked was which football club do they support? Do they like his favorite team? Do they follow matches?

Father, - the adults intervened, - can I listen to something spiritual?

Certainly! When was the last time you took the kids to the stadium?

The children were so merry that they themselves lined up for confession to the elder.

So, with the help of laughter, he managed to rekindle interest in faith in children.

Marriage is a mirror of character

Many marriages break up. Why is this happening? There are many reasons. Maybe the husband gives his wife money and thinks he owes nothing more. Maybe the wife does not receive attention from her husband and is looking for him on the side. One way or another, marriages break up because of the void between the spouses, which they fill with the wrong things.

One woman came to confession to Archimandrite Andrei and said:

I had to fight with my husband who doesn't believe in God, but I went to the temple anyway! It’s very good for me, father, you will always listen, not like my husband!

The woman expected praise from the priest, but instead he scolded her:

What are you doing? Well, quickly run home to your spouse. You cannot fill the void in a relationship by going to the temple.

Husband first, then God. If the Lord now heard this woman and could answer her, would He really approve of her behavior? Would He not have told her to return to her husband and humbly ask for his forgiveness?

Another feature of marriage is the mirror of character. The person with whom you live for many years sees you as you are. If your spouse criticizes you for something, then this is a flaw that you would not see in yourself.

Why are we not saints

Archimandrite Andrei Konanos is very fond of Elder Paisios the Holy Mountaineer. For him, he is a role model.

Elder Paisios always blamed himself for everything. He alone is to blame for all the sins of other people. When they came to him and told him that they had sinned, the elder repeated: “It’s my fault, I didn’t save it, I didn’t enlighten me, what a sinner I am!” He did this quite sincerely and sincerely repented of other people's sins.

Because saints do not see evil in people. They see only the good in people.

“Help, father, I sleep all the time, I do nothing!”

- Well, it’s good, while you sleep, you don’t sin.

God's people do not reproach others, they do not moralize. Their answers are always humble and short: "Don't worry, everything is fine," "God will forgive."

A man should know: IT IS NOT POSSIBLE - TO HUMILATE and insult your wife - CALLING her rude words. Rough words - REMEMBER, lie down - A wound on the heart and EXpel from there - Love. A man DOES NOT HAVE THE RIGHT - TO COMMAND, shout, offend, and BY FORCE, by violence TO SUBJECT - his wife to himself. A man should treat his wife CAREFULLY and with love so that the wife, out of RESPECT for the man, wants to obey him. Elder Paisios says that without love you CANNOT even subdue the Cat.

DO NOT raise your hands on your wife and beat her. If a man raised his hand to a woman, then he DESTROYS his own happiness with his own hands. No normal man - will ever ALLOW himself - to treat a woman rough and vulgar, not to mention offend her or humiliate and subjugate - to himself by force. And you need to remember the Russian folk proverb: “Forcibly MIL - you won’t!” Therefore, such rude men IN vain hope that women will love them - for RUDENESS and VIOLENCE - NO, and again NO!

Many people are UNHAPPY on earth: either they are LONE, or they have BAD families, or in life they are NOT LUCKY. And all just because people DID NOT OBEY their parents, were rude to them, swore at them, offended their parents, insulted and humiliated them, condemned them, and therefore God DID NOT GIVE them happiness! Until they - DO NOT REPENT and confess these - Grave Sins and WILL NOT CORRECT - will treat their parents kindly and with respect - God will not give them happiness on earth. The commandment of God says: HONOR - your Father and your mother - may it be GOOD for you on earth, but long-lived and healthy - you will be in your life! This is God's law! Whoever violates it - deprives himself of everything good in life!

Why are there so many - unhappy families? Families are UNHAPPY mainly because of SELFISHNESS, pride and indifference of people to each other. A woman SHOULD remember that there are things that she should never allow herself under any circumstances. You can't command your husband. You can not - insult, humiliate her husband. Rude and evil words - DESTROY family relationships and KILL - love! . You can't - laugh at him, You can't - flaunt and discuss with others your family relationships. It is impossible - to insult with her husband and without him - his parents, relatives and friends. Because the WOUNDS that are inflicted at the same time will never heal. Maybe they will continue to live together, but without love. Love just disappears. Try to treat your parents and relatives of your husband or wife WELL and help them if they need any help. When we are kind - treat them, help them and take care of them - then our husband or wife, seeing our GOOD - attitude towards his parents to their relatives and close people - START us MORE - to love and respect. If we begin to treat our spouse's parents and relatives BADly, then by doing so we CAUSE him Great pain and Resentment, which over time can DESTROY the family. Also try to be — GOOD — with your spouse's friends. It is important that they be - GOOD people, and the rest does not matter. And men - should DO NOT FORGET that a good wife is the first and most IMPORTANT - Friend and CHANGING your wife and your children for friends is STUPID.

IT IS NECESSARY - to remember that "THE OBSTRUCTIVE, harmful, scandalous, uncompromising wife - there is a FIRE in the house and the family because of this - DIES!" Family happiness - unless the husband is not a scoundrel, not an EGOIST-tyrant and not a bitter drunkard - DEPENDS only on his wife! It is sad if a normal husband, but in the family - NO consent. In family life, the smart one is not the one who insists - certainly on his own, but the one who manages to give in on time. In trifles - YIELD always, trifles are not worth arguing or swearing because of them. Never answer with the word “No” - to the proposal of your husband, even if you are categorically against it - say this: “That’s not a bad idea, but this and that confuses me,” and calmly state your objections. And then, listen to your husband's arguments. It is possible that you will be convinced that he is right. And if the truth is on your side, then after listening to your calm arguments, he himself will agree with you and will respect you more for not inciting a scandal. And the harmony between you will become stronger. It is unreasonable and STUPID that woman who is always DISSATISFIED with her husband, gets irritated and yells rudely at him, ignores his opinion and does not listen, does everything in her own way, grumbles at him, constantly FINDS, and saws her husband or children. There has never been a case that the one who is scolded and sawed in this way has corrected his shortcomings. Usually, in this case, the husband STARTS - to break and leave the house, to visit it less, begins to drink, and can even find another woman who will be more attentive and kinder to him than his own wife. And it turns out that the woman herself - files and DESTROYS the foundations of her family happiness. - "What we have we do not store - having lost weeping!" The greatest feat of married life is, against all odds, to SAVE the family. It is most important. Even folk wisdom says: "To endure - fall in love." That is, before learning to love, you NEED to learn each other's infirmities - to endure and FORGIVE each other - always and in everything. And so, fulfill the law of Christ. You need to LEARN - to endure kindly, to humble yourself, you NEED to learn - to KEEP the world. This is what constitutes the basis of family life. If this is not the case, then, of course, it can be difficult to save a family.

People, when - MARRY, after registration - must - BE WEDDED in the church - otherwise later, when they - DIE and come to God - their souls will NEVER - MEET in Paradise and will be forever - Separated from each other forever! It is necessary for Orthodox Christians to get married, but in our times it is IMPOSSIBLE to HURRY in this serious matter. Categorically - IT IS IMPOSSIBLE to do what many women WANT, through the Sacrament of the Wedding - tie a husband tighter to yourself, the Lord DOES NOT ACCEPT such a wedding and does not bless - there will be NO happiness. A wedding in a church is not an INSURANCE against divorce, and not a “magic” MEANS to TIE — TIGHTER to your spouse. Such a consumerist attitude to the sacrament of the Wedding is a Sin Before the Wedding, the husband and wife must - LOVE each other for real and treat each other well, they must be ready to perform the Sacrament of the Wedding over them. Both spouses must be - Believers, church people, and not pretend, that is, they must live a Spiritual life - know a certain minimum of prayers and constantly pray, They must WISH - go to Sunday and holiday services to church and understand all the seriousness and importance this. They must be able to Confess their sins and keep the Fasts, and most importantly, they SHOULD strive to keep the Commandments of God. Then such married marriages - DO NOT BREAK UP, because divorce is generally simple - Impossible, and therefore, the spouses live - in peace, in love and harmony with each other all their lives.

1. The husband should be the Master - in his family, but the master - GOOD and Generous, and the wife should be - Kind and Obedient to her husband. Husbands are indifferent - to the house and DO NOT HELP - their wives only in two cases: A) Either the husband is an Egoist and dishonorable person and DOES NOT LOVE - his wife. B) Either the wife herself - proud, obstinate and harmful, STRIVES to be - the Main and all - to Command. Usually such families - break up

2. The secret of happiness in family life is the kind ATTENTION of spouses to each other. Husband and wife must - constantly show each other SIGNS - the most TENDER Attention and love. It is necessary MORE - TO PLEASE your family, to give them a good mood. Do something good and pleasant for your loved ones more often. GIVE - small gifts and make pleasant and unexpected surprises, even just buy something that your spouse loves in the store - and treat it, it's already a big deal!

3. RESPECT and TRUST for each other. If there is NO in a family - Trust and Respect for each other - this means that there is NO Love, that people live in a family - each with his own life, and this is Loneliness together - the saddest thing that can happen in family relationships. All together, this means that between people either - love is GONE, or it never - WAS NOT.

4. FREEDOM in the family is one of the MAIN and most important conditions for a happy family life. Each of the spouses must be - SURE in the other, as in himself, knowing that he will always - CORRECTLY be understood, never let down, will not be betrayed and will not be abandoned - in trouble. It is impossible - by force or material dependence TO SUBJECT - to oneself one's spouse. It is impossible - TO IMPOSE and dictate to him - YOUR will and your vision of life, your views on life, to establish and demand the execution without the voluntary consent of the spouse - some rules of behavior and life. It is impossible to humiliate, break and trample on a person - God will not bless such a family and there will be no happiness in it. The Lord gave the Commandment - "Love your neighbor as yourself"! That's all! Either we are good and with RESPECT - we treat our neighbors - and God blesses us and gives happiness for our obedience and fulfillment of this Great Commandment of God! Either we are BAD - we treat our neighbors and therefore, God punishes us and there is NO good in our life. Therefore, the first rule is - RESPECT your spouse, ACCEPT him as he is and rejoice and thank God that this person lives - next to you, And that in his heart the Lord - INVESTED Love for you and therefore TAKE CARE - this is Great and precious feeling! Cultivate it and STRENGTHEN it with your love, your tender attention, consent and understanding, your respect for your near and dear person. Rudeness, indifference, selfishness, reproaches, nit-picking, swearing, screaming, irritability, disrespect, humiliation, MANDATORY Tone - like "I said!" - all of this DESTROYS and destroys the love of people - DESTROYS families. The Lord for a BAD attitude towards neighbors can DEprive you of love and then there will be nothing good in your life. What we have - we do not store, having lost - we cry!

5. Common interests. Family is WE. The family is one big whole - indivisible, and therefore in the family - each of the spouses CANNOT live their own life separate from the other spouse. If in a family the spouses - each STARTED to live their own lives - such a family will soon DISCONNECT. This is one of the laws of family life. NECESSARY - TO DISCUSS - urgent problems. Important decisions - SHOULD be taken only TOGETHER. If you ask for advice, it means YOU RESPECT, and this always POSSIBLES, serves - to STRENGTHEN family relations. Be interested in the affairs of your husband and wife, ask them about their work, find out about their plans and doubts, in order to advise something, to help in something. Get out together outside the apartment - for a visit, to a cafe, to a museum, to a theater, for walks in some park! Be together more often, it brings you closer. Try to communicate more. Despite being very busy outside the home and having many household chores, FIND - time for family communication. A huge number of married couples - BREAKED just because the spouses almost - STOP communicating with each other.

6. MONEY. The family budget should be - GENERAL. None - Yours-Mine, only one wallet. No one should - hide or HIDE from the other spouse any money or income, spouses should always know how much each of them earns. No secret bank accounts. Otherwise WILL NOT BE - Trust, and if there is no trust - LOVE and love. Spouses should TOGETHER decide what purchases and things they will buy and what they will spend money on. There must be complete TRUST in money matters - otherwise any FALSE or WITHDRAWAL of money income can DESTROY the trust of spouses in each other, and this is the beginning of the Breakup of the family. One of the spouses earns - MORE, and the other - LESS or does not work at all - this does not mean anything at all. Everything happens. God forbid you, REPLAIN - with a small salary of your spouse - you will not find a better way to DISOLVE - you will not find a family! How to live with a stingy person? God does not give happiness to such people. Also, it often happens that in a family - someone is better financially secure, and the other is worse - this also does not matter. On the contrary, a more secure spouse should rejoice that he has the opportunity to HELP his spouse and his relatives and relatives, and with his KIND, his selfless help and care firmly - TIE their hearts to himself. Women often consider DEPENDENCE on a man - as a manifestation - of personal weakness. Relying on a loved one is a good SIGN of normal family relationships. This is a SIGN - a friendly family and close relationships.

Leave each other - FREE space. Each of us may have - our own interests, our own friends, time for ourselves, but it - SHOULD NOT be - SECRET so that your spouse does not think that you have something to hide. Respect - the freedom, rights and hobbies of a person close to you. Never fit - not into your bag and pockets; and not a prosecutor and your spouse is not a criminal. A family SHOULD NOT HAVE - no SECRETS and secrets from each other. If there are NO close, trusting relationships between spouses in a family, this means that between a husband and wife there is NO Trust, consent and mutual understanding, which means there is NO Love, therefore there is NO family!

Why do many people, having quarreled, CANNOT make peace with each other? Can't forgive each other? Yes, because the person who is to blame - DOES NOT WISH to admit - his GUILT, his - WRONG! Recognition of one's ERRORS is the most IMPORTANT and IMPORTANT thing in people's relationships, it is especially IMPORTANT in family relationships of spouses. If people - RECOGNIZE their mistakes, RECOGNIZE that they are WRONG, and ask for Forgiveness - then there appears - TRUST between people and only then is POSSIBLE - dialogue, RECONCILIATION and achievement - agreement between them. Only then do relations between people begin to DEVELOP further. If people - DO NOT RECOGNIZE their mistakes and their WRONG, do not want to - correct, then a WALL appears - Misunderstandings and resentment between people, DISAPPEARS - trust, family relationships come to a dead end and begin to - COLLAPSE. Then people - CANNOT and ARE NOT ABLE to agree and reconcile for real with each other.

Remember one very wise rule: If you quarreled during the day - you have until the evening - RECONCILE! If you quarreled at night - you must make peace before morning! Fulfillment of this law WILL SAVE your relationship and your family! Don't do it - FUCKING. Try not to hurt others. Never put forward any ULTIMATUMS - to each other. Do not order, do not command, do not speak - in an orderly tone that does not tolerate objections. DON'T SHOUT - at each other, don't even raise your voice. Never - do not CRITICIZE each other, try - to refrain from reproaches and claims against each other - all these are varieties of Aggression, which will definitely SET against you - your spouse, and as a rule will lead - to quarrels. Don't make fun of each other. Swearing, insults and quarrels, criticism, any claims - KILL love, DESTROY - family relationships and family! And if there was a quarrel, then - DO NOT humiliate and do not insult the other person, DO NOT call him - offensive words and try to stop - the quarrel and kindly reconcile, try to calm the other person. Therefore, always try FIRST - to approach and put up. It is important.

One of the main reasons for the BAD family life of spouses, as well as the Loneliness of people, is the INABILITY and unwillingness of people to WELL - Treat people, Women - men, and Men - women. Many women - treat men BAD - CONSIDER them as bad, unreliable people, drunkards, loafers, womanizers DO NOT RESPECT - men. But not all men are drunkards and womanizers - there are MANY normal men and JUDGING everyone in a row is a big Sin! Therefore, all such women have NO - family happiness, because they DO NOT RESPECT - other people and men, they consider them WORSE - themselves and Bad about people - they think! Their daughters will not be happy either. WILL NOT be until - they DO NOT REPENT of this sin and - DO NOT CORRECT and learn - TO RESPECT men. Yes, and it is NECESSARY for all people - to learn to treat WELL - otherwise there will be no good in life. A man is an image of God, not respecting men - a woman - offends God! Therefore, the Lord does not give happiness to such women!

It is necessary to PROTECT love in the family! It is necessary to protect - feelings for each other! You need to take care of your family! You need to Fight for your love and, if necessary, PROTECT it from everyone who wants to destroy your family - even if it will be people close and dear to you! You need to understand that God gives love and happiness - only once! And if a person knows that he is loved and still STEPS over - his beloved person, DOES NOT VALUE - his feelings, offends and humiliates a person who loves him, treats him Unfairly - then he thereby KILLS - in this person Self-love and destroys his family! Such a person should know that God will never give him happiness again! After all, they gave him one time, but he didn’t save it! But if a person - REPENTS and CHANGES - becomes a good person, if the Lord - BELIEVE him - then God can forgive him and can give him - happiness again. This happens sometimes.

It is very dangerous to REFUSE a man - in ATTENTION and Sex - without a good reason, for example, illness. And it is IMPOSSIBLE to deceive at all - sooner or later deception will open and then - DIVORCE. A man will not tolerate and will not forgive. Often a spouse, OFFENDED at her husband, or wanting to achieve something, REFUSES him in Proximity, in SEX. This is not only a big - STUPIDITY, but this is Provoking a husband - to TREASON, and this is a direct DESTRUCTION of the family! Well, once, you were offended and you refused your husband sex, two - you show your whim or put an ultimatum to your husband, three - you refused that you supposedly have no mood or your head hurts, and for the fourth time, your husband will either get a mistress - and this Sin falls on you. Or he will completely leave and FIND himself - another woman, whom he will be - is always needed. By doing this, over and over again - REFUSING your husband in sex - you yourself are REJECTING your husband - away from you and in the end he - LOSES all interest in you. And then, it will be too late to cry - he will DO NOT NEED you, and if he DOES NOT NEED you - as a woman, then as a wife - even more so. Everything, you can consider that your family is no more with you. A man, when he is denied intimacy, perceives it as the hardest personal - OFFENSE and an insult that you can never - NEVER FORGIVE. Sex, of course, is not the main thing, it only helps that people - BE really CLOSE to each other - to each other. But for a man, the understanding that he is always NEEDED and close to his wife is very IMPORTANT, and if a woman REFUSES him in Sex, in Intimacy, then he CONSIDERS this as - REJECTING himself, for him this is humiliating, and most importantly, he definitely begins to know that the woman does NOT LOVE him. This is one of the main reasons why husbands - Abandon their wives. And very IMPORTANT! Husbands - TEACH your wives - CHASTITY. Do not allow any Sinful perversions in sex - do not corrupt your loved one and yourself. If there are such Sinful desires or there were attempts - Confess these sins and be PURE. Where perverted lustful passion dwells, love LEAVES. And love will leave - you will LOSE your loved one and family. Keep - a clean relationship, this is the key to family happiness.

Parents - try to explain to your children that they KEEP their PURITY - CHASTITY and before the wedding - DO NOT ENTER into Sexual relations with anyone. This is very, very IMPORTANT! Otherwise, they WILL NOT have happiness in life. God WILL NOT GIVE! Your children SHOULD NOT watch any - Pornography and Erotica. Pornography and Erotica - DEprives a person of SHAME and DEPRECATES the soul. And a man - LOST shame - LEAVES the Lord and does not keep. Girls - should PROTECT their Maiden HONOR - men really APPRECIATE this and therefore, everyone is so PURE, girls are always EASY - they get married and God gives them happiness, strong families and healthy children. It is also IMPORTANT that parents – DO NOT ALLOW – your children's prodigal cohabitation in a civil marriage. If people love each other - they FAIRLY - register their marriage and live together - only in a legitimate family. And the Lord blesses only such families. Because of Prodigal cohabitation, God DOES NOT GIVE - family happiness to your children, and if there is NO family happiness, then the fate of people will collapse. In prodigal cohabitation - usually born - SICK and handicapped children with BAD genes, as a rule, such children - there is nothing good in life, and their parents are GUILTY of this - because they lived in a civil marriage. Hegumen George (Shestun)

Quarrels and swearing always end BAD, even if people seem to calm down and reconcile, but in fact this is not so, in the soul of every person it always remains and gradually ACCUMULATES - a bitter offensive sediment and emptiness. Unsolvable problems and grievances of a person, if they - DO NOT HEAR, do not want to - UNDERSTAND, and they are not considered with him - they can sooner or later ruin forever - relations between people, and in family life can LEAD - to the DESTRUCTION of the family, to divorce! Our grievances, hostility, dissatisfaction and unkind feelings towards another person, if we DO NOT FORGIVE and do not put up kindly - HAVE the ability - TO ACCUMULATE in the soul. If we - DO NOT put up with each other kindly, if we do not strive - to understand the other person, to give in - to him, if we DO NOT WANT - to agree with him, do not want to reckon with his opinion - then OFFENSES - Accumulate in the souls of people and sooner or late - DESTROY families. Therefore, if we kindly - DO NOT FORGIVE each other, do not reconcile with each other, then in the end all our grievances and claims against each other - ACCUMULATE to a Dangerous level, after which - Reconciliation between spouses is already - IMPOSSIBLE. Love and good feelings completely - DISAPPEAR, giving way to Bitterness and anger - families usually in this case - Break up. In addition to complete reconciliation between spouses, in order for resentment not to ACCUMULATE, and along with resentment and subconscious AGGRESSION in the souls of spouses, Repentance for sins and insults is necessary so that the Lord Himself removes all insults from our souls, all aggression and discontent, and even sama - the memory of our grievances and claims to each other. When a lot of mutual insults, dissatisfaction and claims against each other ACCUMULATE between the spouses, then quarrels BEGIN to flare up - because of every trifle, which eventually turns the family life of the spouses into a continuous battle and will not end well. Therefore, in order for the spouses to - CALM and the long-awaited Peace and harmony come, it is necessary - to GO to Confession in the church and everything carefully - to confess and take communion. After that - it always COMES in the house - great Peace and Consent and people live in peace and even then they are surprised - how they used to swear so strongly and often among themselves. A detailed confession of our quarrels, grievances and claims to each other - completely RESTORE - good family relations. That is, when we honestly, without hiding anything and NOT JUSTIFYING ourselves - we confess to the priest WHY - we treat each other BADly, get irritated, shout, swear, grumble, reproach and offend each other, do not yield, do not forgive - completely ERASES from our souls all anger, all discontent, all irritability, all grievances and claims against each other, and our souls - FILL WITH Peace, Love, and people begin - To treat each other well and kindly and live peacefully. The house is being restored - Peace and harmony, everything is getting better. Now you yourself understand how IMPORTANT it is sincere and detailed Repentance for your sins. That is why the Sacrament of Repentance and the Sacrament of Communion of the Holy Mysteries is the BEST medicine for the human soul and the BEST Means for ESTABLISHING family life and good marital relations.

DANGER - JEALIES, Jealousy - this is usually the ordinary EGOISM of spouses. Many are jealous because a loved one - CONSIDER their PERSONAL PROPERTY - A THING. If a person's jealousy is based - not on love, but on pure EGOISM, on the feeling of the Owner, on the calculation - then such jealousy is INCORRECTABLE and very DANGEROUS. Then it is better to part with such a person, and it is dangerous to live with a jealous person. You can not confuse and take LOVE - for Selfish jealousy - these are completely different things. To be jealous of someone who LOVES is Complete Senselessness and STUPIDITY, and someone who DOESN'T LOVE is simply useless! Such people think only of themselves, so that only they feel good, and therefore, they consider themselves right to put forward their claims and dubious suspicions to their loved ones, to reproach, SPILL their lives with scandals. They forget about the main thing, that RUDENESS, reproaches and swearing - YOU CAN'T FORCE a person - to love yourself, but - LOSE the last feelings and relationships - you can very easily. A normal person - MAY be a little jealous, but he is JEWELLY - Silently, does not scandal because he - does not want to OFFEND Jealousy of a loved one. And this feeling is normal, it shows that another person is dear to a person. Forcibly nice - you won't! If a person DOES NOT LOVE you, then by ROUGHNESS, Reproaches and scandals, you will never FORCE you to love! On the contrary, with your Bad Behavior and Wild Jealousy, you just DRIVE it away from you!

PARABLE - WHY PEOPLE FIGHT.

Two families live next door in a small town. Some spouses constantly quarrel, BLAME each other for all the troubles and find out which of them is RIGHT, while others live peacefully and amicably, they have no quarrels, no scandals. The obstinate hostess marvels at the neighbor's happiness. Jealous. She says to her husband: “Go, see how they do it so that everything is smooth and quiet.” He came to a neighbor's house, hid under an open window. Watching. Listens. And the hostess just puts things in order in the house. He wipes an expensive vase from dust. Suddenly the phone rang, the woman was distracted, and put the vase on the edge of the table, so much so that it was about to fall. But then her husband needed something in the room. He caught a vase, it fell and broke. “Oh, what will happen now!” – the neighbor thinks. The wife came up, sighed with regret, and said to her husband: “Forgive me, dear. I AM GUILTY. So carelessly put the vase. - Well, what are you, dear? This is my fault. I was in a hurry, and did not notice the vase. Anyway. I will give you - another vase for flowers, even more beautiful. ... The neighbor's heart hurt, he thought, the neighbor understood why he and his wife were constantly arguing. He came home upset. Wife to him: - Well, why are you taking so long? Looked? - Yes, he said, he looked! - Well, how are they? - They all have something - GUILTY, everyone calms each other, pity. And here we are, everything is RIGHT. Neither you nor I to each other - WE DO NOT YIELD. That's why we fight with you all the time.

If the husband DRINKS, then the wife should KNOW that by this very Lord - PUNISHES the wife and only - the Wife and therefore, DOES NOT GIVE - happiness in family life.

For - INDIFFERENCE to God.

For - committed own sins, mainly for arrogance, inflated self-esteem,

For - disrespect and disobedience - her husband,

For - constant DISSATISFACTION - with your husband and your life,

For the fact that MUCH - wants, for GREED and selfishness,

For - Spiritual negligence and oblivion of God - for not humility.

Therefore, before - BLAME the husband for being so - bad and a drunkard, besides - wouldn't it be better to do - your own Repentance and correction. After all, by drinking your husband - God punished you, first of all, which means that God expects from you - Repentance, and most importantly - obedience and a zealous life according to the Laws of God. The whole trouble is that if many normal women who love and care for their families HAVE good husbands who, like their wives, would love their families and take care of them, then, as the elder says, Paisius: "Both spouses would fall asleep - in their little earthly family happiness." And so, would LOSE - the Kingdom of Heaven. But, it happens that the husband is really, an incorrigible drunkard - from a drinking family - usually you CAN'T FIX such people and it's better to marry them - DO NOT GET OUT. If a man LIKE - to drink and he drinks - every day, not at all - without worrying that with his drinking - he does not let his loved ones live - why live with him? This is silly. Spouses should - KEEP Faith in God, so that family happiness, life, care for children and household - would not wean them from praying and going to Church. So that they do not COOL towards God, otherwise it may be a disaster. God STOPS helping people if SEEING that people HAVE BEEN CARRIED OUT with their household chores and troubles, building earthly well-being, STOP - praying, going to church, BECAME to God - Indifferent, BECAME - ungrateful and selfish people. Then God - Leaves such negligent people and REMOVES from them His Divine COVER - which Kept people - from troubles and misfortunes. Then people BEGIN - difficult problems in life. Then don't cry. Many family quarrels often HAPPEN - just because the husband and wife are BAD - pray or miss morning and evening prayers, RARELY go to church and DO NOT REPENT for their sins - and because of this there was no GOD - COVERING over this family That's why the quarrels started.

GRANDMA'S ADVICE TO HER GRANDDAUGHTER. ADVICE from great-grandmother Fedosya Ermolaevna to my mother - on her wedding day:

1. - Never swear - with your husband with children. WILL NOT be respected - neither you nor your father. And if the children Stop - to respect their parents - then they STOP to obey - then there will be trouble.

2. - Never command - your husband, it's better to make him want what you need.

3. - Keep Peace in the house. Learn to forgive and be the first to put up. Quarrels, resentment and rudeness - RUSHATS families. Peace in the family is the most precious thing.

4. - Never clean the house - in a Bad mood. You will spread even more dirt.

5. - Do not be afraid and DO NOT BE LAZY - to study. A well-educated, intelligent, well-mannered wife has SMART, well-mannered children. And smart children - usually - have a great future and good families.

6. - DO NOT JEAL - jealousy destroys the family. If the husband loves you - he will not CHANGE, therefore KEEP - the love and respect for yourself of the spouse - then the husband will not go to the side.

7. - Always cook food - TASTY and beautiful, people are not cattle to eat mess.

8. - The main thing in the family is RESPECT for each other. WILL - respect - WILL be and love. And people are respected - only for KINDNESS, HONESTY, RESPONSIBILITY and decency - therefore, everyone should STRIVE to be - GOOD people and treat people with respect. Repost! Copy and Post - on your pages and blogs and with friends. It is necessary that everyone KNOW about this. There will be MORE - GOOD families and good children! And that means there will be MORE good people!

Excerpts from the book - HOW TO GET STRONG FAITH IN GOD.